To the vast majority of restaurant-goers, life inside a professional kitchen used to be something shrouded in mystery. The server took your order, delivered it to the chef, and then—as if by magic—a plate of steaming-hot food would appear in front of you. No one really knew what the hell went on back there. But then, thanks to tell-all books like Anthony Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential—not to mention an endless array of cooking-themed reality TV shows—the world became a little familiar with the archetype of the professional cook, stereotyping chefs as a band of hard-drinking, hard-partying, foul-mouthed lunatics.

Now, an Australian comedian named Troy Kinne has taken all the stereotypes the public usually associates with chef and turned them on their heads in a brief sketch for his television series Kinne. In the clip, aptly titled “Things Never Said By a Head Chef,” Kinne plays a genial cook that one might be surprised to see leading a kitche.

"You don't have to call me ‘Chef’ every time,” Kinne says to start. “That's a bit official.”

From there, Kinne orders his staff to “watch the language,” give a burnt dish to a food critic, and not scrape leftover food in the trash because kids are starving in Africa.

"Hey, hey. There's no need to yell," the chef says at one point, and you can practically hear Gordon Ramsay’s head exploding on the set of Hell’s Kitchen.

And while Kinne’s character may be a little soft to work in a real kitchen, at least he has less of an ego than the average chef.

"Serving it on a plank of wood would just make us look like wankers," he tells his staff. “Just remember, I don’t expect you to get it perfect.”

[via Troy Kinne/YouTube]