It’s no secret that working in a restaurant is a difficult, thankless task. The hours are grueling, the pay isn’t great, and everyone still thinks you’re just trying to make it as an actor. And though yes, on occasion servers can do things that get under a customer’s skin—please stop kneeling next to our table, duderestaurant-goers are a notoriously slovenly bunch, whining, ogling, harassing, and ultimately stiffing waiters on the tip when the evening is over.

Now, thanks to Jimmy Kimmel Live, we have a better idea of what servers are really thinking when you asked for that fifth side of ranch, or try to leave your phone number for that cute waitress after tipping a measly $1.25. As part of his faux vice presidential campaign, Kimmel has been asking Americans what they hate about their jobs, and, believe it or not, the front of house staff had a lot to say.

“What I hate about waiting tables is when you ask people if they want bacon or sausage and they respond with bacon because they can’t have pork. That really happens—a lot,” one server says. “You’re not really allergic to gluten, you’re just obnoxious,” adds another.

Elect Jimmy Kimmel and maybe tipping 20 percent will become a federal law.

[via Jimmy Kimmel Live/YouTube]