Let’s be honest. In recent months, America has gone a little soft when it comes to the proliferation of disgusting, fast-food burgers. Sure, McDonald’s testing fresh, never-frozen patties is a step in the right direction, but the second we start passing off avocados as burger buns, it’s time to take long, hard look at ourselves in the mirror.
Luckily, we still have New Zealand to show us how to pile a massive amount of meat between two pieces of bread. While Burger King back home tries to win over customers with questionable items like the Whopperrito and Mac ‘n Cheetos, the company's New Zealand arm is releasing a line of products called—we kid you not—the “Meatatarian Range.”
The crown jewel of the menu is the "Full Meaty," which features two flame grilled beef patties, a crispy chicken pattie, six massive rashers of bacon, two slices of cheese, and BBQ sauce. Dear lord. The chain is also offering a “Chicken Bacon Meaty,” which ditches the beef patty and comes with two crispy chicken patties, and six bacon strips (plus the requisite portions of cheese, BBQ sauce, and onion). Lastly, there’s also a “Half Meaty,” with less beef and cheese—but why?
While Burger King and KFC have long been locked in a bitter fast-food war—constantly attempting to one-up one another with ever-more terrifying innovation—the Colonel would have to come up with a Quadruple Down to rival this meat nightmare.
“Lack of protein can lead to mood swings,” BK wrote on Instagram. “Get hold of the new Full Meaty to stay in check.”