A lovers' spat got heated on Monday when a couple in Gastonia, North Carolina was arrested for beating the crap out of each other with some microwaveable pizza rolls.
Arrest records show that the couple—Brad Beard, 24, and Samantha Canipe, 21—were each charged with misdemeanor simple assault after the fight broke out on the Fourth of July, Fox 46 reports. The couple was booked into Gaston County Jail around 3 a.m., where both Beard and Canipe are being held on a $2,500 bond. If convicted, police say Beard could face up to 60 days in jail, and Canipe could face up to 30 days.
The context of the fight is currently unknown, and, perhaps more importantly, police have yet to identify the brand and flavor of the pizza rolls. Reports also fail to indicate whether or not the rolls were cooked or frozen. As all pizza roll lovers know, once the snacks sit in a microwave for more than a minute, the turnovers mutate into deadly pockets of molten lava, with boiling cheese and sauce scalding the roofs of naive, unsuspecting mouths.
Still, the domestic dispute between Beard and Canipe isn't the only brawl to break out over microwaveable foods in recent days. Earlier this month, a 23-year-old man in Pennsylvania punched his friend 10 to 15 times after he refused to eat some ramen noodles. The victim suffered bruises and swelling, and will probably never look at freeze-dried foods the same way again.