Believe it or not, baseball is right around the corner. Winter has turned to spring, which means millions of baseball fans will begin to flock to MLB stadiums across the country.

While these cathedrals to America’s pastime were originally designed for sport, they’ve turned into culinary laboratories recently, cranking out bizarre and oversized foodstuffs and beverages in order to create as much hype for their respective clubs as possible. In years past, we’ve seen bacon beer and churro dogs. The lead-up to this season has been no different, as teams have continued to unveil gonzo concessions, both gourmet and gluttonous.

After sifting through the stadium-grub madness, we’ve identified nine items that are in the running for wildest new concession of the 2016-17 season.


The “Slider Dog”


Team: Cleveland Indians
Stadium: Progressive Field

This monstrosity of a hot dog is topped with bacon, mac ‘n’ cheese, and Fruit Loops. The wiener, which will be available at all Indians home games, is part of a larger hot-dog program at the ballpark, which will also feature a vegetarian dog and a bacon, egg, and Fruit Loops–laced breakfast dog. Indians vendor Happy Dog must have a thing for sugary-as-hell cereal.

The “Tape Measure Cheesesteak”

https://twitter.com/davebriggstv/status/715617419704864769
Team: New York Yankees
Stadium: Yankee Stadium

The Yankees, as they’re wont to do, have gone big with their latest stadium sandwich. As if to flip a two-foot-long middle finger to Philadelphia, the Bronx ball club is adding a 24-inch cheesesteak to its stadium-food lineup. The sandwich fit for an entire little league team comes with peppers and/or onions, and the customer can choose to top it with American cheese or Cheeze Whiz. Jokes on the Yankees, though, as all real Philadelphians know that provolone is the correct choice on a good steak.


The “Cluck & Moo” Bloody Mary

https://twitter.com/Twins/status/715592515739586560
Team: Minnesota Twins
Stadium: Target Field

For some, going to a baseball game is a third about the game, a third about getting drunk, and a third about stuffing one’s face. Well, for anyone attending a Twins game this year, they can knock out the last two with one purchase: the Cluck & Moo Bloody Mary. It’s a classic bloody with a whole buffalo-chicken wing, a beef slider, and all the garnishes you could ask for.

The “Wicked Pig”

https://twitter.com/darrenrovell/status/713017716609822720
Team: Texas Rangers
Stadium: Globe Life Park

Everything’s bigger in Texas, and the Rangers stadium food is no exception. This double-decker sandwich has just about every pork product known to man on it, and it will most likely cause meat sweats, even on a cool spring night at the ballpark. The Wicked Pig is loaded with pulled pork, bacon, sausage, prosciutto, ham, and pork rinds. All it needs are pig ears and feet to hit for the porcine cycle.


The “Sweet Potato Waffle Chicken Sandwich”

https://twitter.com/bigleaguestew/status/713071315641470979
Team: Houston Astros
Stadium: Minute Maid Park

The Astros are putting a new twist on Houston’s soul-food roots. Aramark, the club’s vendor, is taking chicken and waffles and making it portable. They’ve taken a sweet-potato waffle and topped it with grilled chicken breast, lettuce, tomato, and Greek yogurt to create a sandwich. This is one idea that we can 100 percent get behind.

The “Champions Alley” Burger & Dog

https://twitter.com/bigleaguestew/status/713071933114306560
Team: Kansas City Royals
Stadium: Kauffman Stadium

The Royals are hot off of a World Series win, which guarantees a packed stadium for this season. As such, the team had to come correct with a gluttonous offering to celebrate its title. Behold the Champions Alley burger and dog. Each part is tempura-battered and deep-fried. The burger comes with bacon and cheese, while the dog is wrapped in bacon. Round the bases, K.C. You deserve it.


The “Tater Tot Chop”

https://twitter.com/NikkiHobus/status/712331430752346112
Team: Atlanta Braves
Stadium: Turner Field

The last three food things on our list all come from the home of the Braves, Turner Field, who really went above and beyond this year to test the limits of stadium concessions. First up: the “Tater Tot Chop,” in which the mad scientists in Atlanta have placed tater tots in a waffle iron, smothered them with cheese, bacon, and jalapeños, and then topped all of that with a giant tater-tot waffle. Braves fans, hope you like starch.

The “Burgerizza”

https://twitter.com/MikeKX947/status/715327085875605508
Team: Atlanta Braves
Stadium: Turner Field

Welcome to the South, where you don’t need to choose between getting a burger or a pizza. This behemoth consists of a 20-ounce beef patty, plenty of cheddar cheese and bacon, and two eight-inch pepperoni pizzas as the bun. Believe it or not, it’s still not even the craziest thing you can eat at Turner Field.


Punisher

https://twitter.com/_avagraham/status/712607948657168384
Team: Atlanta Braves
Stadium: Turner Field

The last, and most absurd, Turner Stadium meal is “The Punisher,” a sandwich with deep-fried rib meat, beer-battered onion rings, something called “slawsa,” two pieces of bacon, and a Monster Energy Drink-infused sauce. If you can eat this at first pitch and stay awake past the fifth inning, you should get some sort of reward.