If you want to see America at its most barbaric, all you have to do is look inside its most democratic fast-food emporiums. Last year, a Twitter user named @fuckboybobby brought around attention to the shocking epidemic of “finessing the meat” at Chipotle. And now, @sad_tree brings us a bedtime Twitter tale than will bring real tears to any pizza-lover’s eyes.

It’s the tale of a pizza-store customer who carries his pies in a truly abominable fashion. Here it is, in all its inglorious detail: