In case you’ve been living under a rock, let us remind you that 2015 was the year that DJ Khaled wriggled out of his rap-world cocoon and emerged as a fully formed prophet for this moment in history. Whether he’s navigating the open seas to teach us about perseverance, or dismantling door hinges to work through life’s road blocks, Khaled is a guiding light to all of us who simply want to win, win, win—no matter what.
Among all the hats that Miami kingpin wears, from restaurateur to sneaker guru, the most surprising may also be the most profound: gardener. Like his hip-hop cohort Riff Raff, who recently planted a citrus grove at his house, Khaled is a greenthumb with a philosophy on plants that doubles as a road map for life in general. His Snapchat is essentially the Farmer’s Almanac of our times, providing a way forward for all those who tend the soil—from backyard enthusiasts, to agricultural giants.
Before you stick that basil plant in your windowsill, study up on the DJ Khaled Guide to Gardening:
Get money—a lot of it.
It costs money to grow enough food to feed the whole fam. To prove that you have money, it is important to sometimes spray water into the face of your lion sculpture.
Never give up on your plants.
Your plants will reward you for your love and care. If you see one struggling, give it some extra attention and reap the rewards.
A plant is only as strong as its weakest branch.
Wow…really makes you think.
Money doesn’t grow on trees.
But if you get money, you can buy more plants and feed more fam.
Never panic in the garden.
Just like humans, plants have good days and bad days. Focus on long-term wins rather than getting hung up on small Ls along the way.
Protect your crop from predators.
A wolf might steal your corn, or a snot-nosed kid might rip up your succulent. Don’t let them stop you and your garden from growing.
Don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty.
If you want something done right, do it yourself. Soft hands are a sign of weakness.
Love conquers all.
In gardening as in life, a clean heart will take you far.