Peanut allergies are no laughing matter. Helicopter parents, on the other hand, are—especially when they try to change the rules of trick or treating.

A photograph recently surfaced on the Internet of a Halloween flyer discouraging people from handing out candy with any sort of nut products.

“My son has severe allergies and comes home every year devastated that he can’t eat any candy…This Halloween, practice responsible parenting and do not distribute candy containing nuts of any kind.”


Protecting your child is one matter. Making demands of an entire neighborhood—and depriving kids who love Snicker’s in the process—is another. Not only is this a passive aggressive display of shaming (“practice responsible parenting”), but by that same logic, perhaps we shouldn’t hand out milk chocolate candy to all those kids who suffer from lactose intolerance.

The worst part about all this? The author of this note suggests possibly the worst candy substitutes imaginable.

Let’s go through them:

  • Carrot sticks (fun to eat, healthy and easy on the teeth)—a.k.a., not anything a sensible human being wants on Halloween.
  • Smarties—sh*t your grandparents like.
  • Necco Wafers—even sh*t your grandparents won’t touch.
  • Lifesavers—reception room nightmares.
  • Brach’s Lemon Drops—dregs of the candy pile.
  • Raisins (But stay away from Raisinettes!)—just. stop.

One commenter sums it up best: “That kid’s about to learn another life lesson in disappointment.”