The media loves a good “food X causes cancer” story, and the statement “everything causes cancer” has become a popular hyperbole.

But when the World Health Organization reports a dietary link to cancer, you best listen up. The agency placed processed meats such as bacon, salami, and hot dogs in its “Group 1″ list for cancer-causing items, a category that also includes tobacco smoke, asbestos, and diesel fumes. The agency classifies those Group 1 carcinogens as having “sufficient evidence” of links to cancer.

More specifically, WHO’s International Agency for Research on Cancer concluded that each 50-gram (1.8-ounce) portion of processed meat eaten every day increased the risk of colorectal cancer by 18%.

But it’s not just bacon that will give you bowel cancer. Non-processed fresh meats like steaks and roasts are “probably cancer causing,” and placed into a category with the herbicide glyphosate, the active ingredient in many weed killers.

If you’re deeply saddened by this news, it gets worse.

A California startup analyzing food on a molecular level announced that 2 percent of the hot dogs it sampled contained human DNA; meanwhile, a whopping two-thirds of the vegetarian hot dogs in the sample tested positive for human DNA.

[via Wall Street Journal]