A Westwego, Louisiana resident was arrested late last week for allegedly stealing 825 lbs of dry dog and cat food from a parked truck.
According to NOLA.com, the suspect, Tony Borum, has been accused of stealing the donation haul of Plaquemines Cat Action Team, a group that feeds feral cats. Borum lives three houses down from where the truck full of kibbles and bits was parked.
A witness identified Borum as one of two men seen unloading 10-pound bags of pet food. When confronted by the vehicle’s owner and police after the fact, Borum admitted to entering the truck without permission and taking “about 10 bags” of the Fancy Feast, but claimed he had no knowledge of what happened to the other 725 or so pounds of donations.
There’s been no report as to where the two men took the bags of food, and police are still looking for the second man involved in this real life version of Oceans 11 meets Lady and the Tramp.
Borum’s bond was set at $20,000 for the caper, but he was released due to overcrowding at the Louisiana jail. This is probably for the best, given this man doesn’t belong in jail—his rightful place is in the corner of a room with a dunce cap on.
A couple words of advice for our master criminals: don’t steal things from a truck parked on your own block. People will see you and be able to identify you because you live there. And secondly, if you must steal, steal things with value. We’re not exactly sure what the black market price of a 10-pound bag of dog food is, but we know the stolen pet food isn’t worth all that heavy lifting.
Our only possible explanation for Borum’s idiotic heist: the guy’s been listening to way too much Future, and doesn’t understand that when Future talks about “dog food,” he actually means heroin.