Happy birthday, Kim Jong Un! Like an insecure actress, the North Korean dictator keeps his exact age secret, although the BBC estimates he is 32 or 33 today. (Perhaps his egotism, materialism, and sense of entitlement are actually millennial attributes?). Assuming Dear Leader is enjoying a slice of birthday cake right about now, here are our five favorite food moments dedicated to Kim Jong Un.
1. When we found out he spends around £20 million annually on top-shelf booze
According to data submitted to the South Korean parliament in 2013, Kim Jong Un spent £20 million on alcohol on 2012. How can one man, albeit a tubby one, get through that much liquor? According to Dennis Rodman, who spent a week partying with the dictator in 2013, Kim Jong Un has about 50 people around him at all times “drinking cocktails and laughing.” The former basketball star also attested to the quality of the booze: “If you drink a bottle of tequila, it’s the best tequila. Everything you want, he has the best.”
Photos: Wang Zhao/AP, Ed Jones/Getty Images
2. When he sent his cheesemakers to fromage bootcamp in France
Kim Jong Un has a serious Emmental habit which he developed in his dormroom days in Switzerland. Apparently good cheese is hard to find in Pyongyang, which prompted Dear Leader to enroll his staff in a seven-month course at the National Dairy Industry College (ENIL) in France last April. Whatever else you wanna say about him as a leader, at least he believes in continued adult education.
3. When he got so fat that he fractured his ankles
It must have been a really good cheesemaking course because just over six months later Kim Jong Un suffered two fractured ankles, believed to be a result of his excessive weight gain. Let’s just pause for a moment and reflect on the mammoth amount of cheese he would have had to eat to make his bones break.
4. When he started drinking cobra wine to spice up his sex life
In November, Metro reported that the dictator was guzzling dead cobra-infused alcohol like it’s nobody’s business. Snake wine is believed to improve virility; rumor has it that the overweight leader is having trouble fathering a second child with his 22-year-old wife, the luckiest woman in North Korea.
5. When Reddit showed us how to make Kim Jong Un marshmallows
This was hands down the best Easter hack of 2014: Take an Easter bunny marshmallow and smoosh it down with your hand, e voila! The likeness is uncanny, plus a marshmallow is exactly how we imagine Kim Jong Un feels when you squeeze him.