A Jezebel reader took it upon themselves to go through the list of Cosmo‘s Craziest Food-Related Sex Tips and test them out for herslef. The tips include such suggestions as slip a doughnut around his genitals and slowly eat it off, and make a BDSM belt out of sour punch straws. These are actual sex tips from Cosmo—we’re serious.

Read the full rundown over on Jezebel to see how effective each food-related sex tip proved to be. The tester and her boyfriend ever rated the tips on this amazing scale:

0 — I think I’d rather fuck a cactus.
1 — Could you hurry up? There’s laundry to do.
2 — Well, my genitals aren’t exactly unhappy about this experience.
3 — Starting to move the needle, and by needle, I mean my man/ladybusiness.
4 — All aboard the SS HappyFunPantsTimes!

Here’s some more stuff we loved from today:

The life of a Cook’s Illustrated test cook. [Serious Eats]

Ligaya Mishan reviews Lucky Luna in Greenpoint, Brooklyn. [NYT]

Is it time to relax the sodium guidelines? [NPR]

The tipping system is a scam—here are six ways to game it. [New Republic]