Everything You Need to Know About This Week in Food

What happened: With no end in sight for Cronut mania, Dominique Ansel has unveiled the Cronut pre-order system. Now, patrons can order up to six Cronuts from the comfort of their computer to be picked up the following week. Start planning accordingly. You can preorder Cronuts here, every Monday at 11 am. Who cares: Cronut fans, Spring Street residents Further reading: Read our defense of the Cronut.

What happened: Atsuko Nakaoka, a 60-year-old teaching assistant from Osaka, has been charged for drugging her coworkers with sleep medication-filled pastries for a decade. Once a year, unsuspecting teachers at Kamikita Elementary School, where Nakaoka worked, would wake up in the hospital after consuming the sweets. Nakaoka responded to the charges by saying, “I had a problem with their teaching methods. It really got to me, and I thought it would be better if they weren’t around.” Who cares: People that are suspicious of their coworkers. The women who were drugged with desserts. Further reading: Read the full report of the bitter teacher here.

What happened: Former McDonald’s employee Dalton Ursulean is facing prison time for spitting in a uniformed police officer’s food. This isn’t the first time the Iron Mountain, Mich. resident has had a run in with the law—Ursulean has previously been convicted of three felonies and six misdemeanors, and, if convicted, he could face up to ten years behind bars. Not only did he spit in the officer’s snack wrap, he was also apparently unaware that he carries hepatitis C. Who cares: McDonald's customers, police officers, restaurant workers having a bad day Further reading: Watch this video, in which Ursulean's former McDonald's coworker testifies against him.

What happened: By now, everyone and their mother has heard about Time Magazine’s infamous "The Gods of Food" issue. Considering the responses of female chefs and this pie chart comparing men and women in the food industry, everyone seems to have an opinion on the matter. Kerry Diamond, the editorial director of the indie food magazine Cherry Bombe, has just announced that the publication will hold their first-ever food conference in March 2014. Staying in tune with the magazine's mantra, the conference will focus on women in the food industry. Apparently, after seeing Eater’s interview with editor Howard Chua-Eoan, who wrote "The Gods of Food" piece, the Cherry Bombe team was inspired to hold the conference a year earlier than originally planned. Who cares: Female chefs, females who aren't chefs, Cherry Bombe subscribers Further reading: Read Eater's interview with "Gods of Food" editor Howard Chua-Eoan.

What happened: Wine Spectator just unveiled their "Top 100 Wines" of the the year list. Ranking number one for rosé is Brand and Angelina's Miraval Rosé from their Château Miraval vineyard in Provence, France. Wine Spectator describes the wine as “refined and elegant, offering pure and concentrated flavors of dried red berry, tangerine and melon. The focused finish features flint and spice notes, with a hint of cream.” Earlier this year, Joe Bastianich declared in Vanity Fair that the power couple had created a “legitimate wine.” Who cares: Winos, Team Jolie supporters Further reading: Check out Joe Bastianich's full review of Miraval Rosé for Vanity Fair.

What happened: Published author, TV personality, former convict, and all-around lifestyle guru—is there anything Martha Stewart can’t do? Apparently, the domestic Goddess can't tweet a decent food photo. Lately, the aesthetically inclined entrepreneur has been tweeting up a storm of grotesque food photos from her dinners out. Her followers have been less than kind, saying things like, “That soup pic looks like a toilet bowl after an attack of intestinal flu,” and “better than prison food?” Martha responded by tweeting, “Now if any one thinks this is a bad photo you are ridiculous. Tartuffi bianchi and fettuccine at le cirque.” It may be Le Cirque, but it still looks like dog food. Who cares: The poor souls that puruse Martha's twitter. Further reading: If you dare, check out Martha's twitter pics here.

What happened: Now, here’s something to be thankful for this holiday season. SantaCon, the dreaded day where 20-something obliterated Midtown residents take over the city, is finally coming to an end. Although SantaCon started in the name of charity, it’s gained a reputation as an excuse to act like a drunk buffoon. According to DNAinfo, “the NYPD’s Midtown North Precinct sent letters to about 30 bars, clubs and lounges in Midtown and Hell’s Kitchen earlier this month, urging the nightspots not to welcome participants in the annual daylong bar crawl for hundreds of bearded, red-and-white-clad revelers.” Who cares: Anyone who has ever encountered the drunken fools of SantaCon Further reading: Read more about city resident's feelings on SantaCon here, and read about our hatred of SantaCon while you're at it.