Thank you, The Onion, for bringing us this entirely believable news report. According to a study, Americans lead the world in their ability to take very large sandwiches into their hands and crush them until they are small enough to fit inside the human mouth.

Lead Pew Research Center researcher Hugh Newell says “while most Americans can apply an impressive 400 pounds of pressure per square inch to a hero or roll, their skill in simultaneously maintaining the sandwich’s structural integrity is what ultimately sets them apart.” We’ve crushed a hoagie or two in our day.

Here’s some other stuff we loved today:

Uncooked ‘McRib’ photo takes Internet by storm. [Grub Street]

Wylie Dufresne at Harvard: Meat glue and the ‘Dirty little secret of chefs.” [Eater]

Here’s the Cook it Raw (Charleston) Movie Trailer. [Perennial Plate]

Amanda Cohen answers the question: Why do talented female chefs get overlooked? [NYTimes]