It’s three weeks into fall semester, and there is no way you can stuff any more wilting lettuce and soggy pizza down your gullet. Luckily, there is a way to survive: hacking the college dining system. Only the brave and intrepid dine well inside university cafeteria, and we are here to pass down our best intel and help you become that fearless dining-hall warrior.

All you need is a microwave and some basic ingredients, which can usually be found at the pasta, sandwich, and salad stations. Read on, dear collegiate, and learn how to create everything from cocktails to fried ice cream, underneath the jaundiced glow of cafeteria lighting.

Save money, time, and your taste buds with these simple college dining hall tips and tricks.