The main reason we read restaurant reviews is to figure out which spots are worth hitting up, but we can’t deny the pleasure of a takedown or a snarky line. Welcome to #KnivesOut, where we bring you the bitchiest lines in this week’s crop of reviews.

A steady soundtrack of ’90s alt rock matches the stale digs, with a pale sea of collared shirts humming along to Third Eye Blind and Blink-182—stay late and you may witness a spontaneous meaty-knuckled high-fiving session.”—Daniel S. Meyer thinks Costata is both mookish and uninspired.

“On one visit, we mistakenly opted for an orange Creamsicle parfait ($9). It’s topped with stale-tasting coffee-cake croutons, laden with cloying macerated strawberries, and just slightly reminiscent of plastic. We managed two spoonfuls.”—Michael Kaminer is not impressed by the desserts at The Bar uptown.

“My friend said her delight dissolved when a woman walked in to join the guy sitting next to us. He’d been quietly drinking his Coconut, a tiki-style cocktail. The woman was looking at her cellphone as she entered and continued looking at it after sitting down. She had a Brooklyn accent and was not soft-spoken. My friend said she felt as though a rude guest had shown up at her dinner party. Fantasy is a fragile state.“—Alan Richman is flabbergasted by ZZ’s Clam Bar, severely dislikes clientele.

“Grilled striped bass looked as if it had been on the wrong end of a bar fight.”—Pete Wells’ second meal at Fishtag proved disappointing.

“So too was the night’s special, at $22, an overpriced portion of prime rib-eye that sported picture-perfect (too perfect?) crisscross grill marks and an unfortunate blackened coating, usually more suited to fish. This, combined with a fatty slab of beef, was a recipe for disaster.”—Anna Caplan says Deluxe Bar & Grille in Fort Worth needs a bit of work.