The brave soul who stars in Reddit’s latest brilliant AMA worked at a New York City Chuck E. Cheese’s for over a year, lived to tell the tale, then decided to share said tale with the Internet.

Clearly, this guy is a hero, but a quick look through his interactions with Redditors reveals just how hellish an experience slaving away in a mouse suit can be. We collected the best lines from the AMA, available in full here; read through them and feel guilty about that time your eight-year-old self threw a tantrum over not having enough tickets to afford the Hot Wheels you wanted. Or just give this man a medal, your choice.

Q: What’s your best story?
A: I was standing there talking with a manager one Saturday afternoon when this kid runs up to us doing the potty dance and goes ‘Mister, mister, where’s your bathroom?!?’ Jorge, the manager, points him in the right direction. The kid gets TWO steps, stops and goes ‘Too late!’ Luckily, he was standing on carpet, so we didn’t have to clean up the spray…
Q2: You didn’t clean it up after?
A2: Well, it was carpet. There’s not much you can do for carpet. We sprayed orange cleaner on it, but…

Q: How much puke?
A: Occasional. Though there was one dad who watched his kid puke right in front of the merch counter and just left it there for us to deal with. An absolutely wonderful example of humankind.

Q: What is Chuck’s middle name?
A: It stands for Entertainment. Or Evil if you prefer.

Q: Did you ever have to dress up as Chuck E?
A: Yeah, I was the default Chuck E…I usually did the birthday parties which, if you’ve ever been to one, you have to feel for the guy in the suit. I had my share of punches aimed at the crotch.

Q: What the hell is protocol for little kids trying to pop your nuts? Do you just keep calm, or what?
A: Double over in pain and try to keep the head on.

Q: What is the grossest thing you’ve come across? I’m guessing plenty of poop and vomit from the kiddies; give us something out of the ordinary. I’m guessing some high-class parents having some marital fun in the bouncy house?
A:  Disregarding bodily fluids (which takes out 90% of the gross stuff) we found many empty beers, wines, even sake one time…Never caught anyone mid-coitus, probably due to a lack of said bouncy house. But including bodily fluids, there was the time a kid dropped trou and went down the slide…

[via Reddit]