The main reason we read restaurant reviews is to figure out which spots are worth hitting up, but we can’t deny the pleasure of a takedown or a snarky line. Welcome to #KnivesOut, where we bring you the bitchiest lines in this week’s crop of reviews.

“Some missteps aren’t far off. Sugary nuggets of fried “jerk” pork belly ($14) seem to have taken a wrong turn on their way to a country club luau. While tasty enough, they bring about the same degree of spice you can expect at a Republican fund-raiser.” [via NY Daily News]
—Stan Sagner isn’t totally enamored of Union Square’s Ichabod’s.

“While not every restaurant needs to provide fine dining and inspired cuisine, a good meal is mandatory. DelMarVa’s offers none of the above.” [via Northern Virginia Magazine]
—Stefanie Gans doesn’t think the DelMarVa’s chain can do Southern food justice.

“Staff members in plasticky bowlers and sequin headbands look as though they’re wearing Halloween costumes…Spotted: a plethora of man bags.” [via Boston Globe]
—The scene at dubiously named cocktail bar Carrie Nation isn’t to Devra First’s liking.

“The view overlooking the ocean is spectacular, but beyond that I can’t think of another reason to go to Navio unless you are staying on the property and don’t feel like venturing out to find something better. You’ll pay dearly for that convenience.” [via SF Chronicle]
—Michael Bauer thinks the Ritz-Carlton’s in-house restaurant has no business charging $42 for an entree.