The main reason we read restaurant reviews is to figure out which spots are worth hitting up, but we can’t deny the pleasure of a takedown or a snarky line. Welcome to #KnivesOut, where we bring you the bitchiest lines in this week’s crop of reviews.

“Most of its seats are booked 31-days in advance…Some will wonder whether it’s worth thinking about $12 chicken tacos a month out. It’s dry and bland, and whatever meat Kluger uses has about as much flavor as day-old cutlets from the corner deli.” [via Bloomberg]
—ABC Cocina is a major disappointment, Ryan Sutton writes.

“Pizza, the main event at another station, must have been designed for people on both ends of the age spectrum. The pizzetta with tomatoes and marjoram ($9) was so bland that it seemed created for toddlers or someone in a nursing home.” [via SF Chronicle]
—Michael Bauer is largely satisfied with Seaglass, but the pizza is a major exception.

“A large dish of roast chicken chilaquiles ($16) had the uniform mushy texture of a burrito filling or church-function casserole, its tortillas too soft to add contrasting chew.” [via Portland Mercury]
—After six months, Chris Onstad thinks Redwood has yet to hit its stride.

“The menu provides plenty of approachable options, but you get the feeling that the kitchen is a little fatigued, stretched beyond its limit. Gruyère gougères that should have been light and airy were more like dense and salty hushpuppies.” [via Creative Loafing]
—Stephanie Dazey finds that Atlanta’s Saltyard has a few misses along with its hits.

“Details like balance and subtlety are important in a fine dining restaurant. Without them you might think you’re dining at a high-altitude P.F. Chang’s.” [via Dallas Observer]
—Scott Reitz isn’t a fan of Five Sixty.