Somehow we knew we’d end up here sooner or later, but damn—did we really end up here? A man on Craigslist has put up an ad offering a genuine article “Dominique Ansel Bakery cronut” in return for sexual favors. This development brings up so many awkward questions, just a handful of which we’ve compiled here:

  • What do you call it when you receive fellatio while eating a Cronut? Is that called a Crumpkin?
  • How old is this man’s Cronut? Dominique Ansel has already informed patrons that Cronuts should be consumed within hours of being made, but lining up for hours each morning for a fresh batch to trade for BJs seems inefficient. Follow-up question: If this guy still has unsold Cronuts in the afternoon, would he be willing to unload them at a bargain rate (.e.g., handjob)?
  • Are Cronut Sluts all “dirty little sluts,” or is that a specific subsection of the Cronut Slut population?
  • What “description” could a taker possibly send this dude besides, “I am a Cronut Slut and will do that weird thing you said for Cronut(s).”
  • Does the Hot Dog Truck Hooker know about this racket?
  • What the hell is wrong with this bro?

In summation, this can’t be life.

[via NY Mag]