The only surprising thing about today’s news that Guy Fieri is opening up a restaurant in Las Vegas is that it took this long to happen. Seriously, imagine the possibilities: a giant space, a prime location on the Strip, and best of all, no pesky Manhattan critics to cramp Fieri’s style.

The product of a deal between Fieri and Caesars Entertainment Corp., the restaurant is in its early stages, so there’s no word on name, opening date, or even general vibe beyond a few platitudes (Fieri wants “an eclectic mix of food in a real fun environment”). So we took the liberty of imagining what the most over-the-top chef on TV will do once unleashed on the most over-the-top city in America.

Here are some things we think Guy Fieri’s joint, the Sin City edition, needs to have—we feel so strongly about them we won’t even charge a consultation fee.

  • Frosted tips for everyone: If customers are getting Fieri’s signature food, why not also go for his signature look? Complimentary hair gel and bleach should come with the check, plus an illustrated how-to guide for proper styling.
  • A Fieri-ized version of the KFC Double Down: We’d also settle for the recently unveiled Dunkin’ Donuts glazed donut breakfast sandwich. The point here is to throw caloric caution to the wind and just embrace the tacky. Besides, if Fieri wants to update American classics like nachos and burgers, there’s nothing more American than a sandwich made out of fried chicken and bacon.
  • An all-bacon dessert menu: Speaking of everyone’s favorite pork product, anyone can add bacon to a sundae and call it a dessert. But if anyone’s up to the challenge of adding a dose of salty, fatty deliciousness to a full lineup of treats, it’s Fieri. Bacon pie, bacon gelato, bacon cheesecake, bacon everything. 
  • Live Bruce Springsteen cover bands for nightly entertainment: It’s Vegas, so tourists will expect a show to go with their dinner. We’ll cut Fieri some slack and admit it’s not realistic to expect the Boss himself to make an appearance, but nothing but all-American rock would do his signature aesthetic justice. Other acceptable substitutes: Aerosmith cover bands, Brad Paisley.
  • A stand-alone gift shop: Sure, Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar already sells some Fieri merchandise along with its electric blue drinks, but a bigger space calls for a proper source of souvenirs so guests can always remember their special time at Flavortown Vegas. As for the gifts themselves, the aforementioned hair gel would be a good start, plus bottles of Donkey Sauce (or at least the recipe).

[via Las Vegas Review-Journal]