Everything You Need to Know About This Week in Food

Want to seem like you know what you're talking about while discussing current events at the dinner table this week? Read through our essential guide to the week's earth-shattering foodnews. Click through the gallery to find out which restaurant critic announced his epic return, how a Dunkin Donuts customer went batshit crazy after being denied a Strawberry Coolatta, and why Waffle House wants to sue a 450-pound rapper.

What happened: Former commercial actress Taylor Chapman goes from indignant to enraged to batshit after a Dunkin' Donuts employee politely declines to comp Chapman a Strawberry Coolatta (and a whole lot of other stuff) after not giving Chapman a receipt. Even though Chapman herself filmed the whole thing, she (shockingly) ends up being the one who looks bad. Who cares: Everyone, because this is the Internet and schadenfreude directed at entitled, delusional whackjobs is its lifeblood. Further reading: Here's a priceless interview of Ludacris Chapman conducted a few years ago. Other than that, the video's all you really need.

What happened: Jelly Roll, a heavyset white rapper from Tennessee, is being sued by Waffle House after releasing a 21-track mixtape titled Whiskey, Weed & Waffle House, featuring the company's logo on its cover alongside a bottle of Crown Royal and a marijuana leaf. Waffle House's legal firm sent Jason "Jellyroll" DeFord a cease and desist for infringing on the corporate trademark. Who cares: Has it become a crime to make art about your undying love for a fast food chain? Isn't this our constitutional right as American citizens? Plus, we feel bad for the bullied Jelly Roll—according to Gawker, "because of the cease-and-desist, he's had to scrap a video he paid to shoot and edit at a Nashville Waffle House, rename the digital version of the mixtape Whiskey Weed & Women, and re-make the cover art." Further reading: Hip Hop Wired, Gawker

What happened: Celebrity chef Marco Pierre White claims he never received the £174,000 he's owed by two former business partners after the June 2012 sale of his restaurant Marco Pierre White's Yew Tree Inn. Said partners, meanwhile, claim White himself asked not to be granted shares in the restaurant until after his ongoing divorce went through. Who cares: Besides Pierre White, his partners, and his ex-wife, anyone who enjoys some celebrity chef gossip now and again should fully enjoy this one. Further reading: The Daily Mail's full rundown on the he-said, he-said.

What happened: Former high-ranking Goldman Sachs executive Andrew Cader took a loan out from Goldman Sachs, and pledged 15,000 bottles of Burgundy and Bordeaux as collateral. Bloomberg reports that "the collection cited in the filing had an estimated market value in the low-seven-digit dollar range." Who cares: Unbeknownst to some, backing a loan with fancy wine is a common practice. But high end wine as an asset class has been prone to fraud, since it's apparently ridiculously easy to counterfeit wine. Further reading: Bloomberg, Grub Street

What happened: Brett Anderson, the Times-Picayune's restaurant critic, was fired from the New Orleans paper a year ago. They actually wanted to rehire him back fairly quickly thanks to an effective backlash, but by then Anderson had taken a year-long fellowship at Harvard. Now he's officially back at the Times-Picayune, starting this fall. Who cares: Anyone looking for some good news on the print media/food writing front should be thrilled with Andersons return—it's in short supply since Robert Sietsema was canned by the Village Voice a few weeks ago. Further reading: The official Times-Picayune announcement.