Google the phrase “food and sex” and around 2,180,000,000 results will come flooding in. You can find everything from foods that are supposed aphrodisiacs, absurd amounts of “food porn,” celebrity-chef “O” faces (sorry, that was us), and some NWFW stuff about sitophilia (wait until you get home). Food is so incredible sexualized in society today, yet no one knows the actual sex of the hoagie they had for lunch yesterday… until now.

The awesomely awkward comedic video series “Sex Your Food” is filled with strange innuendos and lessons on how to determine whether your meal is of the male or female sex. Taylor Moore, a more stoic version of Zach Galfinakis, has the art of sexing food down to a science and drops nuggets of wisdom you never saw coming. For example: “Food is a big part of anybody’s life, you probably eat it any time of the day—breakfast, business lunch, picnics for dinner. But sometimes you probably ask yourself, what sex is this food that I’m eating? What sex is the food that my partner is eating.”

A bowl of macaroni and cheese is apparently one of the “easiest to sex,” since we knows it’s “once, twice, three times a lady.” If you can reach through the “most welcoming half” of a cantaloupe past your elbow, it’s a male. If curious, you can also learn how to sex everything from a pizza to a pile of green beens—perfect for those looking to stick to an all-male or -female diet.

[h/t Laughing Squid]