If you feel you need to read a recap of the premiere episode of Guy Fieri and Rachael Ray’s Rachael vs. Guy: Celebrity Cook-Off Season 2, you need not look further than Max Silvestri’s tirade on Grantland. It’s digressive in all the right ways, and it makes so much more sense than taking the show at face value. It assuages, barely, the resentment we still harbor for having watched Aaron Carter make the world’s most unappetizing macaroni salad during Season 1. (Yes, Max, we understand your pain.)

Needless to say, spoilers abound—but then again, you weren’t going to actually watch the show anyway. For people more interested in the notion of celeb-chef spectacles than the actual thing, the recap is worth reading as a funny piece of non-fiction on a show that you might sometimes wish was complete fiction. There are enough anecdotal gems from Silvestri to pull you through. We won’t say much else, except that we’re not mad that up until this point in our lives we’ve never heard of Kathy Najimy’s omnipresence, much less experienced it. Goes to show that you really can learn at least one new thing every day.

[via Grantland]