In the latest edition of the creative writing exercise Vanity Fair likes to call “Impossible Interview,” David Kamp imagines Anthony Bourdain and North Korean leader Kim Jong-un in a brief exchange.

Frequent viewers of No Reservations and The Layover may find that Kamp—who is the author of United States of Arugula—paints Bourdain as a more anxious bro version of the real deal. For tips on aping the Bourdain for comedic effect, he might have looked to Ruth Bourdain, whose Twitter impersonation is fine-tuned to weed out any pitchiness and eagerness to please.

Here’s an excerpt from the faux-interview:

BOURDAIN: So, what’re we eatin’? What kinda wild northern shit are you layin’ on me that the Seoul crew don’t do? My sous-chef’s dope dealer once took me to some freaky D.P.R.K.-themed pop-up place in Oakland with the most fucked-up ham heung naeng myun and—

KIM: Veal parm. We are having veal parm, chicken cacciatore, and spumoni.


This is good material for the writing crew at The Simpsons, if they wanted to animate Bourdain again. But when it comes to poking fun at the TV host, this is tame stuff compared to the barbs that were thrown at last night’s roast.

[via Vanity Fair]