The Complete Guide to Drinking at a Wedding

Pro-level open bar strategy for the seasoned partier.

Jonathan Cristaldi

Wedding season is in full swing, which probably means a whole lot of meaningful things to people actually getting married, but for the rest of us, the only thing that matters is the open bar. The opportunity to sip from the cup until it literally runneth over is not one that you want to squander, which is why you need a game plan—drinking 10 Amstel Lights for free is not a coup, but rather a wasted opportunity. Your goal should be to identify the absolute best bevvies available, then drink with some sense of purpose beyond escaping your own loneliness.

Before you even tackle the actual beverage selections, though, you need a strategy for making it through the marathon of small talk, toasting, and dancing ahead—and also, to make sure you don’t do anything that will draw attention to you as the drunkest moocher at the wedding. “It’s important to read the room before deciding whether this is going to be a sloppy wedding or just a fuzzy one,” says booze writer and seasoned wedding guest Jordana Rothman. “Take your cues from the bridal party—if the groomsmen and bridesmaids look like they’re going in, that’s a fair indication that it’s safe to exploit the open bar. If they seem to be holding back, you might want to follow their lead—a drink an hour should keep you on terra firma.”

Once your general plan of action is in place, you can get down to the matter of figuring out what to drink. Here are some rules to live by.

Wedding season is in full swing, which probably means a whole lot of meaningful things to people actually getting married, but for the rest of us, the only thing that matters is the open bar. The opportunity to sip from the cup until it literally runneth over is not one that you want to squander, which is why you need a game plan—drinking 10 Amstel Lights for free is not a coup, but rather a wasted opportunity. Your goal should be to identify the absolute best bevvies available, then drink with some sense of purpose beyond escaping your own loneliness. Before you even tackle the actual beverage selections, though, you need a strategy for making it through the marathon of small talk, toasting, and dancing ahead—and also, to make sure you don't do anything that will draw attention to you as the drunkest moocher at the wedding. "It's important to read the room before deciding whether this is going to be a sloppy wedding or just a fuzzy one," says booze writer and seasoned wedding guest Jordana Rothman. "Take your cues from the bridal party—if the groomsmen and bridesmaids look like they're going in, that's a fair indication that it's safe to exploit the open bar. If they seem to be holding back, you might want to follow their lead—a drink an hour should keep you on terra firma." Once your general plan of action is in place, you can get down to the matter of figuring out what to drink. Here are some rules to live by.
Before You Do Anything Else, Hydrate—Then Have a Cocktail

The last thing you want is to be the guy or the girl who ralphed all over the bridal train. To get your sea legs under you right off the bat, order two seltzers with a twist of lemon (if they have it) and let others joke about how you’re double-fisting early, because the joke will be on them. A popular new trend, especially with food- and drink-conscious couples, is the “specialty cocktail,” often batched just before everyone arrives, then handed out to guests or unceremoniously left out on a tray by the entrance. After the hydration phase, have one or two of these at most as a warmup before hitting the proper bar.
Assessing the Wine and Beer Situation

For wedding parties that last five hours and over, drinking is a marathon, and beer and wine will keep you going longer than drinking Scotch all night (though you should drink Scotch at some point...we'll get to that). For vino, your choice in the matter depends wholly on quality. Check out the wine labels and pull out your smart phone—the best app for this is Cor.kz because it aggregates data from Cellar Tracker, a massive online database offering average pricing and community ratings. For you to stick with wine for the entire night, the white should cost at least $17 per bottle and the reds ideally $25 a bottle and up—at those price points it's generally a guarantee that the juice is not bulk. With beer, you know the staples will suffice, like Amstel Light or Heineken, and don't rule out cans if available because it might just be that the bride and groom know their craft beer and what's in the can might be the best drink period. Dale's Pale Ale? Absolutely. Rolling Rock? Eh. If you opt in for beer, be prepared to stick with it, regardless of how liquored up friends may get—don't make the mistake of drinking beer before liquor especially if the wedding is outdoors and it's 95 degrees.
Sizing Up the Back Bar: Diamonds in the Rough

If the cocktail situation is a bit murky, look a little deeper behind the bartender or ask about what he’s got under the table. "You might find a bottle of Fernet Branca at an Italian wedding reception," says Rothman, "Or in lieu of that, Campari is delicious, fairly ubiquitous, and almost impossible to fuck up—with a slice of orange and a splash of club soda." If you're looking to ingratiate yourself to the elders, think about transitioning to brown and dark spirits after dinner—whiskey with a cube or two of ice, or neat. Offering to join an old man at the bar for a glass of Scotch is the best way to get him to divulge his most off-color stories.
Sizing Up The Back Bar: Cocktails

Before getting overexcited at the bar, remind yourself that neither Dale DeGroff nor any of his protégés are behind the stick. It’s likely an out-of-work actor who will pretend to know how to whip up anything you ask for, and if you ask for anything beyond a scotch and soda or vodka tonic, you may be asking for trouble. "Even if your regular drink is a a 50-50 Dolin blanc martini a wedding is no time to get fancy," Rothman warns. "I’ve seen it all: Old Fashioneds prepared with Sprite, daiquiris mixed with Malibu, Red Bull mixed with everything, and countless other horrors at the wedding bar. There’s generally no set menu save for what’s in view, and wine often takes precedent over all else, but if you must have a cocktail, make it easy and stick with straight spirits or two-ingredient highballs." So what to order? "Gin and tonic is a power move at a wedding, particularly a daytime affair," says Rothman. "Look for the big boys behind the bar: If you see Beefeater and Tanqueray, you're golden. If all they've got is Bombay Sapphire, I'd try another tack."
How and Why You Should Tip the Bartender at a Wedding

At almost all wedding open bars, tipping is unneccesary and even frowned upon, but if you are slick you can use it to your advantage to deal with a particularly packed wedding. Take the advice of Mr. Nick Bennett, bar captain at Booker and Dax, who attended my wedding in 2009 as a guest, and who knows intimately the proper constitutions of the bar: “The bartender is going to be bombarded by a large group of people with very elevated emotions. Take care of the bartender and he will take care of you. One of my initial moves is to slip the bartender a $20 or $40 with my first real drink. This way they will remember what I look like and what I’m drinking. When the party fills up and the crowd gets a little more boisterous, I will be able to get a drink easier without having to lie and say I am grabbing it for the groom or the father of the bride. That also works, by the way.”
Be Wary of the Bubbly, But Go for the Gold When It's Good

When the champagne toasts arrive, Rothman notes that there's no shame in leaving fallen soldiers behind—finishing every glass handed to you is a recipe for disaster. "Hoist the champagne and take a ceremonial sip, but typically if it’s a large wedding and you're at some anonymous factory wedding catering hall, the quality of the bubbly can't be counted upon," she says. It might even be prosecco or cheap cava—if it’s sweet or a bit unpleasant at all, set it down after the toast, lest it smite you and your digestive endeavors. If on the other hand you’re in the country on a gentleman’s farm, or at the family country club, you may be working with something a little more refined. Maybe you’ve got Schramsberg Blanc de Blanc or even Veuve Clicquot effervescing in your flute, and chances are there’s plenty more behind the bar. When you're working with something of quality, the power move is to polish off a glass and eye down the staff for a refill, commenting that you didn’t realize there would be this many speeches. Those at your table will consider you a hero as they giggle in agreement and acquiesce to another pour themselves.
A Word on Wine and Weather

Since we're talking about seasonal partying here, it feels irresponsible to gloss over the importance of climate and weather in calibrating your vino drinking. For summer weddings—outdoors, hot, near beaches or at resorts—the bartender will generally be pouring top-quality wines because those weddings are expensive and resorts often have wine lists that read like steakhouse lists: robust, popular, and expensive brand-driven wines from Napa, France, and Italy. The best idea is to stick with white wine and bubbly, especially if you're outdoors with no indoor retreat. It doesn’t matter if the bartender is pouring an amazing Cabernet Sauvignon from Paso Robles, and you know it costs $35 a bottle—if it’s 95 degrees and you’re trapped in a penguin suit, your pass-out/black-out potential is elevated. Fill up on whatever Sauvignon Blanc or Chardonnay that has been overly chilled because it will keep you cool, and plan to have one glass of that red with your main course because you opted for the filet mignon, not the fish (duh). Autumn and winter weddings present the right circumstance to indulge in hearty reds, for obvious reasons. Just be sure to take note of the alcohol level—if you’re playing in the 14.5%+ ABV range, you’ve got to pace yourself, especially if the food is coming out in small portions, which is often the case because caterers love to fill and refill an empty or partially empty glass and by the time you realize you’ve had four full pours (nearly a bottle) and they haven’t even served the salad course, you’ll be a goner.
The Last Call

The last drink of the night should always be enjoyed with friends, no matter what it is. "Having a very civil Scotch with the groom or glass of white wine with the bride gives the bride or groom a chance to sit and relax before taking once more to the dance floor for that last grind," says Bennett. Then, there is that moment of truth: Busboys are sneaking glasses of wine, maybe even stashing bottles in bags, and it’s mere minutes before the open bar is officially a closed bar. Is time for shots? Yes, absolutely—but not with the bride, groom, or their parents. Once more, Bennett has the right perspective: “These are best thrown back with a group as a celebratory shot in honor of a fallen comrade, as the end of a reunion, or to cement the new friendships you might have made throughout the night. One rule best applied to wedding parties with an open bar is the old adage: Nothing good happens after 2am."

The Complete Guide to Drinking at a Wedding

Before You Do Anything Else, Hydrate—Then Have a Cocktail

Assessing the Wine and Beer Situation

Sizing Up the Back Bar: Diamonds in the Rough

Sizing Up The Back Bar: Cocktails

How and Why You Should Tip the Bartender at a Wedding

Be Wary of the Bubbly, But Go for the Gold When It's Good

A Word on Wine and Weather

The Last Call

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