The race to brew the strangest beer of all time has taken humanity to all sort weird (and sometimes delicious) places. Wynkoop Brewing Co. put bulls’ testicles in a stout. Dogfish Head’s Sam Calagione brewed with everything from spoiled tomatoes to carrot juice for our series That’s Odd…Let’s Drink It. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
If there’s a line to be drawn out there, though, it might have been established by an aspiring Polish brewery called The Order of Yoni, which says it wants to make beers using vaginal lactic acid. They’ve created an IndieGoGo campaign to raise €150,000. Okay.
According to the crowd-funding page, The Order of Yoni will use the vaginal lactic acid from Alexandra Brenlova, a Czech model, to make a sour. It’s too early for April Fools’ Day, but the explanation makes us wonder if the annual hoax day falls earlier in the year in Poland: The vagina-beer crew claims it has figured out a way to isolate and multiply the lactic-acid bacteria in a woman’s vagina and produce large quantities of beer that, apparently, does more than just taste like lady: “The bacteria, lactobacillus, transfers woman’s features, allure, grace, glamour, and her instincts into beers and other products, turning them into a dance with lovely angel.”
That’s said, putting a woman’s reproductive parts to work for culinary purposes is nothing new. One woman baked bread with yeast from her vagina (and live-tweeted the whole thing, natch). And countless parents have eaten their placenta after a pregnancy, including this writer who made tacos with his wife’s placenta.
But this is something different for many reasons, not least the fact that it advertises specific models as the inspiration for the beer—a creepy horn-dog/beer-nerd fantasy if ever there was one. The Order of Yoni claims that the first release will be called Bottled Instinct, but it plans to expand its line in the future, using different women (and their fluids) to create beers like BDSM Ale (“sour ale made with smoked plums and vaginal lactic acid bacteria of red-head or brunette model”), Isis, Cleopatra, and Lady Godiva.
If you want to try the “quintessence of femininity” without actually talking to a real live woman, you’ll have to wait to see if The Order of Yoni is legit or an elaborate joke. But hey—if a beer can be made using yeast found in a Rogue brewer’s beard, why not give vagina beer? And in case you are thinking to yourself that this whole thing is disgusting and sexist, fear not: The Order of Yoni has already got that covered in its FAQ:
No. Firstly, Yoni is a sacred Hindu name of vagina and it symbolizes our respect to vagina as a sacrum. In Indian and many of other cultures sexuality including vagina are parts of sacrum, are respected and we are convinced such respect should be also present in our modern Western culture. Secondly, vaginal lactobacillus bacteria are transferred from a mother to a child during childbirth, so mother’s Yoni bacteria are becoming part of child’s immune system. The Order believes the beer is a tribute to our mothers and a tribute to the act of childbirth. It is far, far from disrespect for a woman.
[via Order of the Yoni]