Were you at a Starbucks in LaGrange, Illinois on Friday? Did you grab a coffee, than take an unusually long time in the crapper?
Well, your soulmate is out there looking for you on Craigslist Missed Connections, and they “hope you feel better, lighter” after taking a dump.
The author of the Craigslist post admits she was creeping hard, waiting for the “tall, scruffy beardish thing” to emerge from the can. Alas, she had to leave before you were done taking that prolonged shit.