There’s a poignant line in the first minute of the above faux-PSA where the narrator reminds us that America’s bros are our most-important consumers of light beer and Axe body spray. While pointing out these negligible “facts” are both unprovable and completely true, they’re salient because we love our bros no matter what—mainly because these boorish slabs of flesh are our bros.

Apparently, they’re also endangered if they drink protein shakes and get hella swol. The shakes themselves are allegedly dangerous for long-term health, so Organic Valley, the makers of the spot, suggest their product instead because it contains real, super-healthy milk—but all in the name of saving our bros, of course.

Admittedly, this spot would’ve been way funnier if were a USDA PSA to get men to drink more milk (one 8-ounce cup of whole milk has 7.69 grams of protein). But we’ll co-sign anything that gets brolic-ass dudes from copping breast milk over the Internet. That’s just f*cked up.

[via Esquire]