If you had a super power that allowed you to see what everyone is doing on their computers at coffee shops, what would you discover? That super power is called “nosiness” and I’ve got it, so I can just tell you:

  • Starbucks. Drinking a grande Pumpkin Spice latte, the average laptop-toting Starbucks regular is usually pretending to work on a script in TextEdit (since Word is too expensive), while actually swiping right on Tinder in a desperate, sugar-addled haze.
  • Coffee Bean. I personally know a dude who consistently looks at Pornhub.com while at the Coffee Bean in Beverly Hills, shutting down frequently to avoid detection. I can only assume that’s what everyone else is doing.
  • Tim Hortons. This person is from Canada and is thus A) hyper-literate, and B) not caught up in the rat race, so he is probably just chilling with a good book.
  • Peet’s Coffee & Tea. Dressed in shabby student garments, this overly caffeinated person who is too old to still be in school has sworn off the Internet while penning on a dissertation about semiotics.
  • Dunkin’ Donuts. Fired up on crazy amounts of Wi-Fi and a 24-ounce coffee, this Real American has ten tabs on the go, a season of Eastbound and Down downloading in iTunes, TweetDeck firing off hilarious jokes at a super-human clip, and Spotify playing “Yeah!” by Usher on repeat.

This is all to say that a new study conducted by WeFi has analyzed 45 million hotspots at coffee chains and found that, on average, Dunkin’ Donuts customers have the highest rate of Internet usage—more than double that of Starbucks customer. (Tully’s has the second highest data consumption.)

Ultimately, these findings simply reaffirm what we already know: America runs on Dunkin’, Americans run on WiFi, and Dunkin’ Donuts costumers keep it the realest.

Obama knows.

dunkin_obama_wifi

[via Grubstreet]