In this week’s Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, Patton Oswalt joins Jerry Seinfeld in a 1981 DeLorean to discuss superheroes, baseball, and L.A. stereotypes. Around 8:30 into the video, Oswalt aptly describes the typical coffee shop squatter, specifically those who inhabit Downtown LA’s Handsome Coffee Roasters. After mocking the location of the coffee shop (it’s in a sketchier part of Downtown L.A., despite its target customer base), Oswalt outlines the typical patron as follows:

  • Must carry a WWI British messenger bag
  • Wears comfortable sneakers that were customized in a pop-up store
  • Has a purposefully sickly looking dog with a harness
  • Typically white (and reads
  • Is “comfortable” with diversity, but secretly afraid of other races
  • Wears subdued colors to display seriousness

The genius of Oswalt’s categorization is that there is evidence supporting it in the very coffee shop he is sitting in. The best moment in the episode, though, is when Jerry Seinfeld wants sugar for his coffee and the Handsome Coffee Roasters employee informs him that they don’t carry any sweeteners.