Previously, we took a look at the best accessories for conspicuous public consumption of alcohol, but there’s really no accessory that’s superior to the classic flask. And when we say classic flask, we mean exactly that: a flask that is humble, effective, and pocket-sized. We don’t value the kitschy, bad joke-alluding flasks that blatantly compromise the object’s legacy and integrity. But those flasks do appeal to a certain market—namely, the d-bag market.

And because that d-bag market is so diverse and active in the online shopping world (fact: d-bags love e-retail), we thought it would be helpful to find some flasks suited to bros, mooks, wanksters, and the like. So here we present the 15 greatest (or more realistically, worst) flasks for a d-bag on the Internet—including a flask that fits securely in your Bible, an $800 Louis Vuitton flask, a flask that holds 128 fluid ounces of booze, and a tie flask for the bro’d out businessman.

Click through the gallery above and see absolutely absurd flasks that are just begging to be used to wet your whistle while engaging in unforgivable douchebaggery.