Thanksgiving boozing can be the source of serious stress. Even before the day, when pacing yourself and not passing out before the bird even hits the table is a serious struggle, you have to deal with picking up a bottle of wine for the hosts. What the hell are you supposed to buy that won’t be terrible, redundant, or just plain embarrassing?

At this time of year, there are endless recommendations at your disposal, all telling you how well the wine goes with turkey and cranberry stuffing. But honestly, a lot of wines go well with poultry. What you need is not just a great wine, but a statement that will help you win the day in potentially unfamiliar environs.

For Turkey Day wine suggestions that get to the heart of the matter, we called up our favorite wine pro, Jonathan Cristaldi, and asked him to make a pick for each of the potential scenarios one might encounter over the holiday. From his slightly insane mind—and always on-point palate—straight to you, here are the wines that will have family, in-laws, friends, and strangers crowning you king next Thursday.

Written by Jonathan Cristaldi (@NobleRotNYC)