The Mario Batali Guide to Ethering Haters on Twitter

When it comes to smacking down Internet trolls, Molto Mario is #KING.

  • batali_twitter
  • File under "masterclass." First, he ethers the entire country of France. Then, he silences a homophobic smack talker by taking the high road and affirming his Italian roots with the epic signoff, "Ciao fool."
  • "Foolish sir" is to Internet disses what San Marzanos are to tomatoes. Top shelf.
  • Oh gawd.
  • Batali even takes time to respond to haters on behalf of Milan striker
  • This might be the funniest tweet on the Internet.
  • No smack talk here, but whenever Batali responds to Mario Balotelli fans/haters, it's comedy gold.
  • Can someone please do a trading places with these two?
  • For someone who seems to never sleep, Batali loves to suggest that other people take a nap.
  • Professor Batali has spoken, and you are officially a herb.
  • No beating around the bush here, just a nice big can of Twitter whoopass.
  • The hashtag on the F let's you know MB ain't playing around.
  • Batali isn't too big to do some Internet sleuthing (i.e., looking at your profile) to gather fodder for a public flogging.
  • King Batali has no time for your slacktivism.
  • It only takes one word to send @ikotundamilare into the depths of an existential crisis.
  • Noma's Rene Redzepi may be the hottest chef in the world right now, but Batali gently reminds him to respect his elders.
  • Say what you will about Batali, but the man's an encyclopedia of culinary knowledge. Test him and you will get served.
  • MB knows just how to deal with a #catlady.
  • Say word? He hit her with the "fashion cop" line and the "wheeeee!"? Game over.
  • Batali will never tak e a #Twitterscolding sitting down.
  • Batali is no reactionary—he does the research to make sure you really do suck as much as it would appear.
  • Mario's got a sixth sense for your smugness, and he'll let you know it. Just enhoy the pancetta-wrapped asparagus and stop being a pr**k!
  • Mario literally doesn't give a shit if you like Eataly—8 million other people do!
  • #crankypants
  • Batali's a hospitality vet, so he knows when to kill 'em with kindness.
  • Sorry Otto Pizza in Portland, you've been publicly served.
  • And just like that, Batali explains why he even bothers in the most magnanimous way possible. #FIN

We’ve previously discussed Mario Batali’s mastery of the Twitter machine, looking at both his impressive level of activity for a guy with more than 20 restaurants, a show on ABC, a weekly column in the New York Times, as well as his ability to drop invaluable nuggets of cooking wisdom in less than 140 characters.

But where Batali really thrives as an Internet personality is in his willingness to engage with those who think he is a nothing but a Croc-wearing, Vespa-riding target. While responding to haters can be a bad look for some celebrities (see: Chris Brown), Batali is too smart to get sucked into petty squabbles. Instead, his retribution is always swift and appropriate to the situation—a gentle tap on the wrist to misguided souls, and a definitive smack upside the head to trolls who just need to be ethered. This public brushing off of the shoulders makes Batali come off like a real human, and reveals that he’s actually a pretty hilarious dude—especially when he jokingly responds to people who mistake him for the Italian soccer player Mario Balotelli.

If you ever need to douse out the flames of Internet hatred, take some cues from MB. The man is a master of the art.

Click through the gallery above to see the best hater smackdowns from @MarioBatali.



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