Eat This Tumblr: Yelping With Cormac McCarthy

"Do you understand that sorry does not remove the croutons?"

  • "The stooped man eating that peasant food as if in consuming it he can escape to a farmfield in a verdant valley and look down and see blood running from his blisters and say, yes this is work. "
  • "They made a sound that is lost to memory but you could call it a coyote yammer. Anyways that’s how they come to be called yelpers by the good people of Lordsburg."
  • "I hear the stillsmall voice of God and I bow before it in ecstasy and He speaks not in the obscenity of man’s tongue but in stars torn from heaven. "
  • "Do you understand that sorry does not remove the croutons?"
  • "The man took the brimming glass with a calloused hand and stared into the murk and staring back were wolf eyes golden and immutable."
  • "The man said he had eaten a thing which he should not have and he could not move because the world was revealed to him in its evil and in its beauty."
  • "He lay down on the blanket, the rifle’s barrel resting on the saddlebag, and glassed downcountry with the telescopic sight."
  • "The faint scent of virtue lost amid the hellish musk of ten thousand outrages."

Cormac McCarthy is one of the greatest living American novelists. With his signature minimalist literary style, McCarthy has followed in the footsteps of American greats like William Faulkner and Jack London, crafting expansive modern Westerns and Southern Gothics. He’s best known for his works, All The Pretty Horses, No Country For Old Men, and his Pulitzer Prize-winning The Road. And now, McCarthy has joined the ranks of many American writers, as he crosses the American frontier and pens intricate restaurant reviews on Yelp along the way.

It’s important to note that this Tumblr isn’t run by the real Cormac McCarthy; rather, it’s explained as “a writing experiment by EDW Lynch.” But then again, that may very well be a cover up, a pen name, and the real McCarthy just doesn’t want his publishers to know that he’s not working on the next great American novel but posting on Yelp about America’s greatest fast-food restaurants—it’s hard to say.

Regardless of who is behind these Yelp reviews, they are great. “McCarthy” crafts riveting reviews of American fast-food and family chain food giants from Taco Bell to Chipotle, the Olive Garden, and P.F. Chang’s. Like much of McCarthy’s work, these pieces delve deep into the soil of American land—the very soil that grows the food that is served at these restaurants—and uncovers beautifully bleak and potent American narratives while being sharp and critical of his meal and the service. He also reviews the Apple Store, Urban Outfitters, and Juicy Couture, amongst others.

It’s rare for one of the most significant American novelists of this generation to take to Yelp, and we sure hope it happens more often. We’re looking at you, Philip Roth, Jonathan Franzen, E.L. James…

(Well I guess E.L. James isn’t American, but some 50 Shades Of Grey-like food porn reviews would be unbelievable.)

Click through the gallery above to see some of McCarthy’s best Yelp reviews, and follow for more. 


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