19 Ways to Know You’re Eating at Lafayette

Unless you are actually at Balthazar, you are probably at Lafayette. Let's make sure.

lafayette

Lafayette is a very popular restaurant in New York City run by Andrew Carmellini and chef Damon Wise. It is a brasserie that specializes in French food and it also has a bakery. Here are 19 ways to know you are eating there, in case you are confused.

1. You are on Lafayette Street between Great Jones and 4th.

Google Maps will help you here.

location 19 Ways to Know Youre Eating at Lafayette

2. You have been quoted a two hour wait, but suddenly a reservation cancels and you score a booth and you feel like the King of New York.

That was close.

american psycho 19 Ways to Know Youre Eating at Lafayette

3. You are not at Balthazar, but you think maybe you are at Balthazar.

Tough to tell—let’s not jump to any conclusions just yet.

balthazar 19 Ways to Know Youre Eating at Lafayette

4. There is a very big bread that you can see over yonder that says “LAFAYETTE.” You wonder if someone maybe stole the bread from Lafayette and brought it to Balthazar, but all signs point to you actually being at Lafayette.

Could this be the smoking gun?

welcomebread 19 Ways to Know Youre Eating at Lafayette

5. Your palms are sweaty because you hope you don’t have to say things in French when the waiter comes. You try to use your iPhone to look up French pronunciations but you forgot to charge it before leaving the office because you forgot you were going to Lafayette tonight until it was too late. You resolve to just point.

Herbs de WHAT now?

frenchnames 19 Ways to Know Youre Eating at Lafayette

6. You have the thought, “I had better get the chicken because everyone’s talking about the chicken, and I also want steak frites.” You look at the prices and think, “I had better ask for an extension on my rent because, fuck it, I’ma get this chicken and steak frites.”

It would be weird not to get the chicken, right?

chickenmenu 19 Ways to Know Youre Eating at Lafayette

7. You realize the chicken is “pour deux” so maybe it’s not so bad, but then it arrives and you’re like, “This must be for two French people, because I can eat it all by myself and don’t want to share with my Tinder date. She seems mad that we’re not at Balthazar anyway so what’s the point?”

Should have stuck with OK Cupid for a classy joint like this.

chicken 19 Ways to Know Youre Eating at Lafayette

8. The roast chicken comes to the table and your date says to the waiter, “This roast chicken doesn’t come with vegetables, just potatoes?” and the waiter laughs and says, “What do you think this is, Balthazar?”

Definitely not sharing now.

chicken2 19 Ways to Know Youre Eating at Lafayette

9. Gwyneth Paltrow is there. OMG. You’re definitely eating at Lafayette now!

GOOP-certified!

gwyneth 19 Ways to Know Youre Eating at Lafayette

10. You go to the bathroom and everyone has cute shoes that match the tiles.

Note to self: Wear cuter shoes next time.

jcrew 19 Ways to Know Youre Eating at Lafayette

11. Everything has really cool branding that says “Lafayette” and features croissants.

Damn that’s good.

design 19 Ways to Know Youre Eating at Lafayette

12. You have an inexplicable desire to tweet about being at Lafayette with the hashtag #oui. But your phone is still dead icon sad 19 Ways to Know Youre Eating at Lafayette

#bread #tasty

oui 19 Ways to Know Youre Eating at Lafayette

13. There is a dessert that looks like Yoshi from Super Mario Bros. They definitely don’t have that at Balthazar.

Best. Dessert. Evar.

yoshi 19 Ways to Know Youre Eating at Lafayette

14. You see enormous ovens that look like the entrance to the fiery depths of Hell and think, “It must be hot near those ovens. Do I have to tip more because it is so hot?”

So that’s why the chicken is so expensive.

ovens 19 Ways to Know Youre Eating at Lafayette

15. You are drinking a wine that you can’t pronounce and probably can’t pay for.

Chateauneuf-de-WHAT now?

wine 19 Ways to Know Youre Eating at Lafayette

16. You want a cocktail but you can’t pronounce those either so you’re going to point again.

Where’s Muzzy when you need him?

cocktails 19 Ways to Know Youre Eating at Lafayette

17. The latte art on your latte is very tight butthole.

File under: #nofilter Instagrams you could have taken if your phone wasn’t dead.

coffee1 19 Ways to Know Youre Eating at Lafayette

18. You justify getting a $10 juice because it is not juice but “jus frais.”

French jus is way more juice than juice.

jusfrais 19 Ways to Know Youre Eating at Lafayette

19. On the way out the pastries are all like, “Buy me!”

How many menus does this place have, anyway?

bakery 19 Ways to Know Youre Eating at Lafayette

Congratulations! We’re 99% sure you’re eating at Lafayette. Unless of course you’re eating at Balthazar. Maybe you should ask someone.

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