UCB’s sketch “Cozy New York Restaurant” Reminds You Why NYC Dates Suck

Who had the pasta with a side of butt in the face?

If you’re a New Yorker, you’ve surely gone on a date with a loved one or a complete and total stranger at a sceney NYC restaurant. You probably wanted to relax, eat good chow, and bond with a new or familiar person—but that simple-sounding task was more of a trial than you bargained for.

Square footage is at a premium on this teeny island, and restaurants and their patrons suffer. Ever waited for three couples to scoot out of the group benches so you can have the table at the very end? Yeah, us too. And we all know “family style” tables just mean “you wouldn’t have had space between tables anyhow so we’ll just stick you all together.”

Upright Citizens Brigade wins at capturing the horror of this situation in its new sketch, “Cozy New York Restaurant.” A couple goes out for dinner, but is rudely interrupted by other couples sliding past, shopping bags in the kisser, and even one pair having a burping contest. If this all sounds eerily familiar, you must be a New Yorker.

Watch the video and cringe at the hard truth: date nights in NYC are only for the brave.

RELATED: The Best Restaurants in NYC for Every Dating Situation

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