10 Things We’d Like To Put In GE’s Calorie Counting Machine

We're actually really curious about the energy content of that dead mouse wrap from Chop't (and fried chicken Oreos).

Photo: GE via The Salt

Photo: GE via The Salt

General Electric recently talked to NPR about a new calorie counting machine that they’re developing. Through a system of microwaves and scales, you’re supposed to be able to put this thing directly over your plate, and it will calculate how much energy is in that food you’re about to stick in your mouth.

We think it’s fascinating, and potentially very useful when trying to find out how much energy is in something like edible underwear or Chop’t mouse wraps.

If we had one of these things, we’d waste no time getting stats on the following “foods”:

1. The Chop’t MouseWrap

wrats1 10 Things Wed Like To Put In GEs Calorie Counting Machine

We don’t particularly want to eat this dead mouse wrap, but we’re pretty sure some cat might. More and more people are making gourmet food for their pampered pets, so why can’t Whiskers eat some Chop’t? Maybe this is the start of a whole new pet-friendly menu. (Photo: Gothamist)

2. Big Baby Meatloaf

michelle+m lw meatloaf+baby 10 Things Wed Like To Put In GEs Calorie Counting Machine

A user submitted this horrifying meatloaf baby to Cakewrecks, because a meatloaf is really just like cake for carnivores. Bonus points for the bacon diaper. (Photo: Cakewrecks)

3. Fried Chicken Oreos

oreo21 10 Things Wed Like To Put In GEs Calorie Counting Machine

Fried chicken Oreos are most definitely the lowest-calorie item on our list. (Photo: Instagram/@moorestyle10)

4. This Candy Bra

calorie counting machine candy bra 10 Things Wed Like To Put In GEs Calorie Counting Machine

This candy necklace bra from Spencer’s both tastes and looks better than a pearl necklace. Did we just say that? (Photo: Spencer’s)

5. The Luther

luther1 10 Things Wed Like To Put In GEs Calorie Counting Machine

The Luther is more than just a massive coronary on a plate. It’s a gastronomical delight comprised of a thick, juicy burger, cheese, and bacon, all stuffed between two doughnuts (Krispy Kremes, in many cases). According to legend, they’re named after Luther Vandross. (Photo: Wiener and Still Champion)

6. Smoked Half Pig’s Head

smoked half pig head 10 Things Wed Like To Put In GEs Calorie Counting Machine

Radiator Whiskey—which serves the glorious smoked pig’s head platter above—is a Pike’s Place Market staple. Besides being known for their whiskey selection, these pig heads are such a draw that they’re reserved in advance for months. Pro tip: if you eat the eyeball, you get a free shot of whiskey. (Photo: Janaki Jitchotvisut)

7. This 5-foot-long earthworm

giant worm 11 10 Things Wed Like To Put In GEs Calorie Counting Machine

If eating insects for protein is really the wave of the future, obviously eating a giant worm is the way to go. With any luck, you could serve this at your next Super Bowl party. Or not. (Photo: Project Noah/hoppy4840)

8. Boston Pizza’s Pizza Cake

boston pizza pizza cake 10 Things Wed Like To Put In GEs Calorie Counting Machine

Canadian pizza chain Boston Pizza created this 6″ high mountain of cheese, dough, and meat as part of a promotion where they asked customers to vote on which crazy pizza-related creation they wanted BP to actually put on its menus. If you’re one of those people who doesn’t like sweets, this might be your cake. (Photo: The Daily Mirror)

9. Odori-Don

odoridon 10 Things Wed Like To Put In GEs Calorie Counting Machine

Odori-don (literally “dancing bowl”) is often made with squid (ika), which is actually dead—but the dancing effect happens when you douse it thoroughly in soy sauce. Sodium apparently makes the little guy go nuts. We love thinking about that one scene from Alien when we’re eating—don’t you?

10. Bridal Cake

bride cake 10 Things Wed Like To Put In GEs Calorie Counting Machine

That’s not a wedding cake. That’s a bridal cake. According to the Daily Mail, bride Chidi Ogbuta’s lifelong dream was to have a life-sized cake of herself—as she’d look on her wedding day—at her wedding. Her husband-to-be went along with it. She originally wanted life-sized cake versions of both herself and her new husband, but the bakery didn’t have enough time to do both. Apparently, there was much more than they needed for the 500 people who attended. All we know is: this thing is probably calorific. (Photo: Barcroft Media)

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