Quora Asks: Which Foods Would Help You Win a Battle to the Death?

From durian to Epoisses, the best weapons are stinky, pointy, and just plain lethal.

Photo: Mother Jones

Photo: Mother Jones

If you only had one chance to destroy an enemy with edibles, which would you pick?

Quora, home of some of the best questions posed on the Internet, recently asked its users which ingredients would be deadliest in a food fight.

This is no amateur shit. Spaghetti and mashed potatoes won’t cut it. Quora users stepped up to the plate and brought serious culinary knowledge to the table. The resulting answers were both ridiculous and well-though-out.

Personally, we’d force our enemies to eat so many Taco Bell Waffle Tacos that they’d just keel over eventually. But lets take a look at other genius food-as-weapon ideas submitted by Quora users.

Scroll down to see the deadliest foods that can be used to win a battle to the death.

Durian

Plan of attack:

“My first volley would be a barrage of Durian fruits at the far end of ripeness. The chemical assault might end things right there by causing vomiting which, as we know, has an infectious effect in groups. A disabled troop is unable to fight.

My second volley would be with Durian fruits as the near end of ripeness. These hard, spiky fruits would draw blood, break bones, and demoralize the still retching enemy.

The conquerors, however, will have to be supplied with gas masks and protective clothing in order to occupy enemy territory now covered in Durian slime and vomit.”

Submitted by: John Burgess

 

Japanese Tiger Puffer Fish, Ackee Plant, Cassava Plant

P1010113 28202717 500x375 Quora Asks: Which Foods Would Help You Win a Battle to the Death?

Photo: Blogspot

Plan of attack:

“My army shall feast on [puffer fish] correctly prepared as our first main course. The leftover scraps of skin, ovaries, testes, and liver shall be blended up and saved for ammunition against our enemy. Once liquified we can either covertly place this in their food or use it as a chemical weapon to be distributed into the air or for use in ballistic darts…It is a potent neurotoxin with no known antidote.

Our side course shall be Ackee Plant. The inner yellow flesh is safe to eat but the outer red flesh and inner black flesh surrounding the seed pods are potentially quite deadly. My army will eat the safe yellow flesh of the fruits and grind up the red and black parts for use against our enemies.

My army shall enjoy sweet tapioca pudding for our dessert but what is not commonly known is that if the Cassava root is not prepared correctly it can be used to produce deadly cyanide. While my army shall feast upon Tapioca our enemies will be doused with concentrated cyanide.”

Submitted by: Ariel Williams

 

A Stink Bomb


Plan of attack:

“Nothing damages a warrior as much as demoralization. So how do we demoralize him? Make him ashamed of himself? Make him wish he had never challenged you to a food fight unto death?

A well grounded mixture of raw eggs, garlic, tuna paste and mangoes (for the sickly sweet flavor). Wrap it in a ball of dough mixed with yogurt, and leave untouched for a day (or more, if you’re evil). Add some finely grounded pepper and chillies on top as seasoning. When the enemy is stumbling with bloody eyes, a running nose, and a deadly smell, throw a tomato or two.”

Submitted by: Saksham Bhatla

 

Epoisses de Bourgnone and Roquefort Cheeses

6a00d83451f83a69e201310f55191c970c 500x366 Quora Asks: Which Foods Would Help You Win a Battle to the Death?

Photo: Ideas in Food

Plan of attack:

“Epoisses is an extremely pungent cheese. If it ages for too long, it smells like ammonia. No one will be able to fight back against you with the smell of ammonia under their nose. Roquefort cheese is unpasteurized. If it isn’t properly prepared, it runs the risk of carrying listeria and E Coli, both of which can be deadly. It also stinks in its own awful way.”

Submitted by: Aaron Ellis

 

Cashews


Cashew apples 500x391 Quora Asks: Which Foods Would Help You Win a Battle to the Death?

Photo: Wikimedia

Plan of attack:

Cashews, unroasted, still inside the fruits. The skin of these ‘nuts’ (they’re actually seeds of a fruit) contains heavy doses of Anacardic acid, a very close relative of the chemical in poison ivy. I’m no chemist but as someone highly allergic to poison ivy and its evil friends poison oak and poison sumac, I believe there must be a way to create a lethal chemical weapon from this compound.

Just be glad your grocery store only sells cashews in seed form or you couldn’t even look in the direction of the bulk foods section without breaking out in a horrendous rash. And watch out for the crippling sneak attack in your underpants if we ever get in a food fight to the death. Your durian might take me out, but I will make your privates burn so hard you’ll wish you had gone with me.”

Submitted by: Aaron Ellis

 

King Brown Snake, Sugar Cane, Leg of Lamb

Brown snake   victoria australia 500x333 Quora Asks: Which Foods Would Help You Win a Battle to the Death?

Photo: Wikipedia

Plan of attack:

The Aborigines of Australia eat the King Brown snake, an aggressive and venomous snake that grows upto 3 metres in length. The sugar cane I would dry and fashion into a spear. The leg of lamb I would allow to thoroughly dry out and use as a club.

I would throw a cardboard box full of 3 metre King Browns at my opponent and in the ensuing chaos as they attempted to extract themselves from the situation I would time my move to stab them with the length of sugar cane while avoiding a snake attack. If necessary I would finally go in for the kill and club them to death with the leg of lamb. I don’t think the poor bugger would stand a chance against my gastronomic attack.”

Submitted by: Simon Brown

 

Oatmeal


oatmeal cooked 500x333 Quora Asks: Which Foods Would Help You Win a Battle to the Death?

Photo: Picky Eater

Plan of attack:

Personally I would make some oatmeal or cream of wheat. A lot of the stuff. A LOT. Because do you know how nasty and sticky and painful that stuff would be if you were flinging it at people?

Lumpy oatmeal with no milk or anything, steaming hot, straight from the pot…flying at you at 50mph. That would be horrid. Not only would you end up severely scalded and burned, but cleaning that crap off of your everything would be the worst.”

Submitted by: Gennyphir Carleton

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