Breaking news: R. Kelly eats like a child, which justifies all those adults who still buy Pizza Lunchables. Vulture has gotten hold of the rapper’s grocery list, and it is everything we hoped R. Kelley’s grocery list would be. The list includes “three bananas,” “Jeanie D breakfast sausage links” (Jimmy Dean?), and no less than six pints of “Hagendaz” sorbet.
What can we take away from the unvieling of this list? Only that the man who brought you “Ignition: Remix”—your favorite Friday night drunk karaeoke tune—subsists on hot dogs, bologna, and chicken artificially shaped into tiny dinosaurs. To quote the ephemeral “Bump N’ Grind:”
See I know just what you want and I know just what you need girl
So baby bring your body to me (bring your body here)
…for some Go-Gurt? Do they even make Go-Gurt anymore?