Signs of the Apocalypse: Panda Express Now Serves Kale

Oh, and bacon has infiltrated the orange chicken. Is nothing sacred?

Photo: Panda Express

Photo: Panda Express

Panda Express—purveyor of orange chicken and legend of mall food courts around America—recently announced some new menu items may surprise some people who believe that the Americanized Chinese chain’s failure to evolve is actually the best thing about it.

Foodbeast brings word of two additions that have late-adopter written all over them: The Shiitake Kale Chicken Breast is part of Panda Express’ low-calorie Wok Smart offerings, while the Orange Chicken and Bacon is an attempt to give the restaurant’s signature dish a millennial makeover.

But why? Why must we have kale in everything, from our juice to our fast food? And why must bacon be the fist-bumping bro of food, showing up at every single party even when it might be more pleasant without him? Though they ostensibly sit on different ends of the health spectrum, kale and bacon are both equally annoying in their ubiquity.

Panda Express orange chicken should not be tampered with, let alone with subpar pork product that distracts from the glory of sticky neon glaze coating subpar poultry product. In the words of one co-worker, “This is a disgrace.”

There’s is one silver lining, though: If you do choose to try these new dishes, you can get them for free by using this nifty fast-food hack.

According the the chain’s Facebook page, both items are set to debut by the end of the month.

[via Foodbeast]

RELATED: The Ultimate Mall-Food Survival Guide

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