Knives Out: “Without [Vowels] the Name Becomes STK, and That Just Sounds Like a Nasty Sexually Transmitted Disease”

The world's top critics don't always play nice.

Photo: NPR

Photo: NPR

The main reason we read restaurant reviews is to figure out which spots are worth hitting up, but we can’t deny the pleasure of a takedown or a snarky line. Welcome to #KnivesOut, where we bring you the bitchiest lines in this week’s crop of reviews.

“Vowels are useful little blighters. With them the word Steak becomes a serviceable, if blunt name for a restaurant. Without them it becomes STK, and that just sounds like a nasty sexually transmitted disease.” [via The Guardian]
—Jay Rainer on London’s new “female-friendly” steakhouse, STK.

“Of all the adjectives that might describe a French restaurant built by Andrew Carmellini, Lafayette brings to mind the last one I would have expected: optional.” [via The New York Times]
—Pete Wells pens a less than stellar, one star review of Lafayette.

“But if fajitas must exist in this world (and apparently they must), then the sizzle is it. It’s integral. That’s all there is. So when, at Barrio Cantina, the fajitas arrive silent, room temperature, no tantalizing smell of cooking onions wafting from the dish, we fall silent, too. The bad news has announced itself. Some things, despite the hard work of melted cheese, hot sauce, and an extremely decent, fresh, and zippy pico de gallo, cannot be salvaged.” [via The Boston Globe]
—Devra First reviews Barrio Cantina for the Boston Globe.

“The service at a restaurant as busy as Lafayette needs a brisk professionalism leavened with charm, or else you start to feel as if you are eating in the largest and most elegant Pain Quotidien in the five boroughs.”  [via The New York Times]
—A second snarky line from Wells’ review of Lafayette, because it’s just too good.

“It seemed the kitchen used up all of the salt making the throat-parching Al Salame risotto ($16) before stacking up the bland tomato, mozzarella and under-cooked sautéed eggplant in the Insalata Torre Di Pisa salad.” [via The Atlantic Journal-Constitution]
—Jon Watson gives zero stars to La Tagliatella.

 

 

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