Knives Out: The Bitchiest Lines in Restaurant Reviews This Week

The world's top critics don't always play nice.

Photo: Palloc.com

Photo: Palloc.com

The main reason we read restaurant reviews is to figure out which spots are worth hitting up, but we can’t deny the pleasure of a takedown or a snarky line. Welcome to #KnivesOut, where we bring you the bitchiest lines in this week’s crop of reviews.

Most of the innumerable dishes would stink up a salad bar, where they’d cost two-thirds less. I’m still cringing from “Cajun catfish” tasting mainly of burnt skin and fried Ipswich clams that were great until we got through the batter to 100 percent rubber meat.” [NYPost]
—Steve Cuozzo on Grand Central Oyster Bar.

“You could be forgiven for thinking, as one of my guests did, that Michael White’s formulaic new Soho steakhouse, Costata, looks unsettlingly like the dining room of a lobbyists’ restaurant in Washington, D.C. The walls in the beige-toned space are covered with the kind of generic wood paneling that you see in corporate meeting rooms and on the first-class “business” floors of airport hotels.” [NY Mag]
—Adam Platt gives zero stars to Costata, thinks restaurant’s decor is tasteless.

“This hefty slab of meat should have tantalized, but instead it frightened with its pale hue. No pink, no juice and no bark, save for some toaster-oven-quality perimeter flakeage. This was the meat equivalent of one of those tabloid magazine “Stars Without Makeup” photo articles. “ [PigTrip]
—PigTrip on Boston sports bar Cask ‘n’ Flagon’s new BBQ menu.

“The duck confit ramen, topped with a duck egg, has wonderful noodles but a pork broth so lacking in body I kept stirring and stirring, hoping something good was waiting, undissolved, at the bottom of the bowl. It wasn’t.[Time Out Chicago]
—Anthony Todd reviews new Lincoln Park sushi restaurant, Juno.

The exterior of Ox in Belfast is much like my soul: black and featureless. [The Observer]
—Jay Rainer’s takedown of himself.

Newsletter

Feed your inbox.

Subscribe