Jay Z and Beyonce Are Going Vegan, Probably Because Of The Illuminati

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SEE ALSO: Magna Carta Holy Kale: The Vegan Jay Z Remixes

Yes. This is happening. Jay Z and Beyonce have decided to go vegan for the next 22 days (i.e. Christmas) because an unnamed “good friend” (WHO IS OBVIOUSLY IN THE ILLUMINATI) challenged them to do it and so here we are posting about it at 9PM on a Tuesday night. 2013, right?

Jay posted this to his Life + Times website and, well, we’ll just leave this here:

Psychologists have said it takes 21 days to make or break a habit. On the 22nd day, you’ve found the way.

On December 3rd, one day before my 44th birthday I will embark on a 22 Days challenge to go completely vegan, or as I prefer to call it, plant-based!! This all began a few months back when a good friend and vegan challenged me to embrace a “plant-based breakfast” everyday. It was surprisingly easier on me than I thought…

Why now? There’s something spiritual to me about it being my 44th birthday and the serendipity behind the number of days in this challenge; 22 (2+2=4) coupled with the fact that the challenge ends on Christmas day…It just feels right!

So you can call it a spiritual and physical cleanse. I will post my progress… Any professional vegans out there that have any great food spots please help out! Please ha. I don’t know what happens after Christmas. A semi-vegan, a full plant-based diet? Or just a spiritual and physical challenge? We’ll see…

Best of luck and health!

P.S. B is also joining me.

I will let my friend Marco explain the benefits of a plant based diet here.

As if your vegan friends aren’t smug enough, now this. Couldn’t Jay and Bey just go with VB6 and leave it at that? No, because the Illuminati wants you to eat their shitty Illuminati bars filled with “plant proteins” (AKA SOYLENT GREEN), is why. Obviously we will have a lot more to say about this tomorrow and probably will have to photoshop Jay with a bunch a kale, too. In the meantime, we’ll just leave you with this:

Funny because it’s true. Also, Jay’s an investor in The Spotted Pig. And you’re as likely to find a vegan dish on an April Bloomfield menu as you are a human being with discerning taste who counts Magna Carta Holy Grail among the best rap albums of the year. Which, come to think of it, is very much the kale of Jay Z albums anyway.

This is all very fitting.

RELATED: The Jay Z and Beyonce Guide to Dining in NYC

  • Prince Gumball

    Kingdom Come was the kale of Jay Z albums

    • soy

      gayz*

      • Prince Gumball

        Wow, replacing Jay with Gay… So edgy and original!

  • RadioRaisedMe

    Ha! Good one…

  • Guest

    awesome news!!Hopefully they will go Vegan not just plant based and ditch fur and leather too..;)

  • ice098

    awesome news!!Hopefully they will go Vegan (not just plant based ) and ditch fur and leather too.. :) The will inspire millions to ditch the meat and dairy and that’s a great step!!! Good luck to them!!

    • #TeamMeat

      Shut up bitch

  • Lucky

    so now i just want some pork ribs.

  • Alex Jarvis

    I’m sorry…I don’t see any reason to even speculate that this decision is related to Illuminati influence. Also…the more people try to make connections to that idea the more credibility it has. Forget that it is a belief some people have and eventually everyone will forget.

  • Born

    Sheep lie fear what they don’t understand. I challenge all to go vegan and let me know how you feel.

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