How to Eat at a Breastaurant Without Being Creepy

Yeah yeah, we know—you're there for "the wings."


Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill

1. Make eye contact when you talk to her.

There’s a weird moment waiting to happen when you are greeted by your server at a breastaurant, especially when it’s one whose uniform is especially egregious and underwear-like, such as the ones at Twin Peaks or Tilted Kilt (which make Hooters look like a family restaurant by comparison). One of the most basic rules of society is called into question: You know that it is inappropriate and creepy to stare at a woman's boobs, but if that woman works at a restaurant whose entire raison d'être is dressing women in uniforms that show off said boobs, does that change things? And the answer is: kinda, but not really. Yes, your server is definitely used to her customers checking her out constantly and asking her tits for an extra napkin to go with the saucy wings. But just because she has come to expect that doesn’t mean that she won’t appreciate a little eye contact. And wouldn’t you rather be the dude who stood out from the pack of neanderthals at the bar?

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  • bigrig

    Hooters still has the best wings, Twin Peaks has the coldest draft beer, will never go back to Buffalo Wild Wings.IMO

    • lolseriously

      BWW isn’t a breastaurant… wtf?

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  • Kratos Blades

    What a load of crap! Those boobs are there for our enjoyment! Stare all you like. If she doesn’t like it, she can get a job at Sizzler.

    • Haigaz Eric Tataryan

      Not Sizzler Chotsky’s

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  • Chum Lee Jr

    My first visit to a “Hooters” was craptacular failure. Waitress was almost 50, had fried eggs for bosom, and smelt of scented maxi-pad. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. Horrible…

  • readinggayarticlesorwatdafuk

    what the fuck was this? am I getting lectured on how to be “Mr Nice guy”? I dont even… Really? When I thought you couldnt be lamer you say that “Tip well” bullshit too if it wasnt enough! The biatch you interviewed even said she was paid awesomely for that, wtf. She knows what she got into when she accepted and started working there mofo.
    So now I must enter a supposedely premium experience just so I can be told how to behave like a totally moronic Peter Parker, do absolutely nothing but watch a fucking football that I might as well watch at home, all the while pulling out ridiculous ammounts of Money while not even expecting a “Thank you” in the end.
    I knew there was something wrong when you mentioned “gay Brothers”. WTF. What a waste of time.

  • sgarethe

    Number 6 please for the love of god don’t whip out your penis it’s highly frowned upon and you may possibly get arrested.

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