Gizmodo writer Brent Rose may swear off ice cream for life. The writer recently completed a four-day cleanse that consisted of dish after dish of raw coconut ice cream.
The project began when he noted that a shop called Kippy’s in Venice Beach, California, was advertising its “cleanse.” Rose was only the tenth person to try it, and admitted that there were quite a few bugs to be worked out.
On the diet, Rose was consuming 820 percent of the recommended daily allowance for saturated fat, and 360 grams of sugar each day.
But the process seemed relatively safe to him because Kippy’s markets itself as a health food supplier. Rose writes:
“Every week, Kippy’s brings up roughly 1,000 mature, organic coconuts from Mexico, tastes each one to make sure there hasn’t been any fermentation, and then cold-presses them to make a rich coconut cream. The cream is then sweetened with honey, and other raw, natural flavors (orange, vanilla, etc.) are added, and voila! A delicious frozen dessert that technically is frozen cream—so, yeah, it’s ice cream. It’s just non-dairy ice cream.”
Kippy’s cleanse involves five pints of ice cream every day, eaten as small meals. The flavors progress from a light coconut to a fruit flavor, then a dark chocolate for lunch. With the end of the day comes a Master Cleanse flavor (lemon and cayenne), and a raw ingredient superfood pint.
Rose is a humorist at heart, and we laughed over his account of stuffing the body with saturated fats and sugar in an effort to lose weight. In the end, the five pounds he lost came back immediately when he stopped downing ice cream.
Scroll down to see our favorite lines from Rose’s report.
On Consulting a Nutritionist
“Really, I just wanted to know if my heart was going to explode if I tried this. It sounded like that was probably unlikely, so we decided to go for it.”
On eating too much fat
“Each serving contained 9 grams of fat, 8 of which were saturated. There are four of those servings per pint, and we each ate five pints a day. Some quick math will tell you that that’s 180 grams of fat, 160 of which are saturated. Wait, it gets worse. In terms of recommended daily allowance, we’re looking at 280 percent of your RDA for total fat and… get ready for this… 820 percent of your RDA for saturated fat. Eight-hundred-and-twenty!”
On impending diabetes
“Suddenly I understood why Kippy kept forgetting to send me the nutritional info. The 360 grams of sugar each day probably didn’t help, either. Perhaps it’s for the best that we didn’t know. We proceeded in our blissful ignorance.”
On pooping all the time
“And then, suddenly, Poopintimes! I don’t know if it was the salt or just the accumulated saturated fat, but it was like, “Hey! You need to go, like, now!” Not emergency style, but it was definitely assertive. It wasn’t horrible or acidic, but it was a long way from solid. Is this why they call it a cleanse?”
On the challenge of cleansing
” Our stomachs gurgled a lot, loudly. Basically the novelty had worn off, and we were just kind of mopey and pissed at ourselves for having taken this on.”
On chronic halitosis
“We did however notice that there was a bit of bad breath thing going on, though. Had this been happening for two and a half days and we just noticed? Hope not. We both slept horribly, tossing and turning all night.”