As the TV listings fill up with more food shows than ever before—Extreme Tupperware Ladies is coming!—it’s tough to know what’s worth your time. As the new shows roll out this summer and fall, we’ll be watching and letting you know which is worth your time.
Our favorite takeout connoisseur, Daym Patterson, hit us with another SUPA OFFICIAL double-episode show this week, this time driving around Atlanta and Portland and hitting up the cities’ top takeout joints.
But he also inadvertently proved one of our theories from last week’s episode—that Daymon’s front-seat eats are really thinly disguised sexual encounters with the inanimate. And while he kept the “BUH” usage to just one instance, the sexual references ran together like one continuous food-themed innuendo with zero subtlety.
This overarching food-as-sex thing had us asking just 15 minutes into the episode, does the Travel Channel cancel original series? We’ll find out—but probably not.
Daymon’s sexual education kicks off in East Atlanta, which he deems “definitely on the trendy side,” after flying past a bike decorated with yarn at 50 miles per hour. At Delia’s Chicken Sausage Stand, we get right to business when Delia sets Daymon off by telling him that dark meat is better than white meat as she plucks bones from a chicken thigh. That’s just what we needed.
At his final Hotlanta stop, he croons the following to a half rack of ribs: “That’s sexy. Let me undress you. I’ma take this nice and slow.” One day, maybe he’ll be into humans, too.
Then it’s over to the meat grinder where Delia continues to egg Daymon on with way too much innuendo about lubing the tube and declaring “This is the money shot!” when the chicken meat is correctly guided into the casing. You’d be better off yelling these things to Guy Fieri. Well, maybe not.
Back in the Tahoe, there are cries of “You are so naughty!” and “That’s what daddy likes!” when Daymon bites into a chicken sausage slider.
But the intimations only become more, er, heated as we move on. At the Municipal Market, we hit up Grindhouse Killer Burgers, where the burger situation is “supa sexy.” We find out how much Daym hates non-burnt bacon. He has a man-to-man chat with a 10-year-old on ADHD meds about how superior extra-crispy bacon is. Throughout this visit, you’re reminded how “daddy likes” things. Make it stop.
Out in the parking lot, we have a “limp-ass bacon” situation on daddy’s cheeseburger (oh. no.) What was earlier a lattice of black-bottomed fatback strips is now a major problem for Daym: “My bacon shoulda been poppin’ Viagra.” WHAT IF YOU DIDN’T TAKE IT OUT TO YOUR CAR? Sigh.
At his final Hotlanta stop, he croons the following to a half rack of ribs: “That’s sexy. Let me undress you. I’ma take this nice and slow.” One day maybe he’ll be into humans, too. But until then, it’s an orgasmic eye roll directed at collard greens and about 18,000 honks on the horn in sexual celebration.
Next we find out that Portland has “that hippie vibe” — “even the trash cans are artistic.” Then we prepare ourselves all over again for the mind-breaking operative formula that is food + experience. Try to keep up.
The sexual marathon continues at Pok Pok (yes, Andy Ricker is on this show! Exalt!), where he calls Andy Ricker “baby” way too many times. But this time, he may have have gone too crazy. He actually removes himself from the front seat, places the chicken Muu Sateh on the dashboard and applauds at it through the glass on the side of the road. Then he puts some of the vegetable accoutrement behind his ear because it’s so “tropical” and goes on to try the boar collar, eating it “butt-ass naked” without sauce.
The real flaw in this show is that it tries to be a game show with winners when it should be autotuned at every second.
He makes a stop in North East Portland at Fire on the Mountain for spicy peanut wings and a deep-fried Nutter Butter. But the real action goes down at the beloved biscuit mecca Pine State.
Here, Daymon corners another 10-year-old about extra-crispy bacon before taking a Reggie Deluxe (fried egg, sausage gravy, bacon, cheese) out back for some fun. “You pick it up, and then you beat it up,” was actually said. It’s clearer than ever this man’s sexual experiences are limited to things that are served between buns and his own bacon-crunching fetish. He finally declares he wants to pour the sausage gravy all over his “bawdyyy.”
This is the climactic point where we remove ourselves out of personal necessity and begin preparing for next week. Until next week, Buhs!