They may have invented fries and perfected chocolate, but if you love freedom, today you will join the Waffle House-led partisanship and boycott all things Belgian.
But to really take your Team USA support to Teddy Goalsevelt levels requires more than skipping your daily Waffle Taco. Here’s a list of patriotic replacement foods that scream #IBelieveThatWeWillWin for you when your mouth is too full.
Don’t eat: Moules frites
Do eat: Burger and fries
Credit where it’s due—using fries to soak up the broth at the bottom of a pot of white-wine poached mussels is nothing short of inspired. But so is putting fries in your burger. And that’s how you dominate the international fast food industry. (Photo: LWYang/Flickr)
Don’t eat: Brussels sprouts
Do eat: Corn
Too long has this sprout named for a foreign capital been creeping into Thanksgiving menus. Banish it in favor of an all-American vegetable that comes in syrup and chip form, so it’s like you’re not eating a vegetable at all. (Photo: Esteban Cavrico/Flickr)
Don’t eat: Speculoos
Do eat: S’mores
These thin, crunchy, spiced shortcrust biscuits make plain old Graham crackers look like cardboard—that is, until you add oozy campfire-roasted marshmallow and Hershey’s. You speculoos this round, Belgium. (Photo: Bureau l’Imprimante/Flickr)
Don’t eat: Wonuts
Do eat: Bisnuts
Don’t let the hype around the Chicago wonut distract you from the fact that this donut is half-waffle and therefore traitorous. If you’re in Southern California, opt for a donut made out of biscuit dough instead. (Photo: Thrillist)
Don’t drink: Bud Light
Do drink: Coors Light
It might claim the best Superbowl ads, but America’s top selling beer actually belongs to AB Inbev, a Belgian-owned company.
Check how red, white and blue your brew really is on the chart below.
Or send a clear message by drinking American brewed (and therefore categorically better) versions of Belgian beer styles, like Ommegang Abbey Ale (a dubbel), Allagash White (a witbier) or Brooklyn Sorachi Ace (a saison).
Just like soccer, they might have been doing it longer, but we’re going to do it better.