The Celebrities Who Won and Lost the Internet This Month

An end-of-month roundup of celebrities eating food. Spoiler alert: some sucked at it, others were really, really awesome.

  • Photo: @chrissyteigen
  • WINNER: 2 Chainz. If you haven't heard about 2 Chainz's release of 2DBZ, Getty Images)
  • WINNER: Chrissy Teigen. As if we didn't already know that Chrissy Teigen owns at the Internet, this past month we saw her busy inside her @chrissyteigen)
  • WINNER: Cookie Monster. Cookie Monster had a great month, too, with the release of OmNomNomify, which makes all of your favorite websites into CM's personal cookie-destroying domain. As always, this dude is about two things: dancing and eating. Sometimes both at once. (Photo:
  • LOSER: Eva Chan. Basically, Lucky Magazine editor-in-chief Eva Chen's assistant got her three (yes, three) fig mascarpone Cronuts for her birthday, literally dragging back a supermodel's body weight in snacks and pushing the limits of what's humanly possible. Actually, the human limit for Cronut purchasing is six, but said assistant had to
  • LOSER: Cronut hype. Speaking of Cronuts (and we wish we weren't), this week Bon Appétit hilariously released a "top secret" obit for the Cronut (May 2013 — TK). For all you non-journo-nerds, TK means stop waiting in line for Cronuts and move the fuck on. (Photo:
  • LOSER: Gwyneth Paltrow. In the same week that they were Reuters)
  • WINNERS: Amy Poehler and Jon Hamm. Amy Poehler and Jon Hamm nursed their wounds post-Emmys with Johnnie Walker Platinum, and then we couldn't deal with the injustices of the world anymore. (Photo:
  • LOSER: Miley Cyrus. In case you missed it (which you didn't), September was officially the Month of Miley. Moments that stood out: 1) Traumatizing Will Smith's family while trying to fart into Robin Thicke's crotch, and 2) Revealing in the video for
  • TOSS-UP: Neil Patrick Harris. If Alder chef Wylie Dufresne had Twitter, his response to NPH's hater tweet might be: "Your Emmys jokes were uniformly disappointing, bro." (Photo: Twitter)
  • TOSS-UP: Rihanna. In the past month, Rihanna popped up at unsurprising NYC celeb haunts Da Silvano, Philippe Chow, and Sons of Essex. However, she redeemed herself by cooking something with
  • LOSER: The sandwich lady. New York Post writer Stephanie Smith became an Internet celebrity (a.k.a., an outlet for our collective cultural angst) when she stated that she's happy to make her boyfriend #300feministsandwiches, lots of hilarious tweets, and zero happy relationships. The sandwiches looked okay, though. (Photo:
  • LOSER: Thakoon. Fashion designer Thakoon celebrated his 39th birthday with treats including a Milkbar Confetti Cake and this scary-ass self-portrait crustache voodoo cookie with demon eyes from Kuroiwa Patisserie. HBD! Enjoy the only pastry ever to be on the FBI's Most Wanted list. (Photo:
  • LOSER: Kimye. North West was finally taken outside this month, which sounds weird as hell to say out loud. And not long after, Kanye took Kim's new blonde hair out to dinner at overpriced, cleb-humpy hot spot Hakkasan in L.A. with Tyga and Blac Chyna. Okay, never mind, that's weirder. (Photo:
  • WINNER: Designer chickens. It turns out the New York Times.  And if you're wondering why we include this in our celeb roundup, just know that chickens can be famous, too.
  • LOSER: Prince. Prince recently went to Michael White's Soho steakhouse Costata with a friend, showing up with an afro and a pimp cane. His unknown/irrelevant friend ordered pasta, scallops, vegetables, and fries, but the Pontificate of Purple ate nothing—he just drank royal blushes. Then he handed the bill to his security guard, because WTF is Prince going to do with a bill for human food? The idiot security guard apparently forgot to ask Prince's babysitter—er, management—for cash for the night, and told the manager he'd pay for the meal the next day. It took four days of KYSDC)

Celebrities love food. And sometimes food is more famous than celebrities. So it only makes sense that we would bring you a highly comprehensive breakdown of their trials and tribulations, according to what we can glean from that great equalizer of trials and tribulations: the Internet.

To keep this from getting too serious (and saving your mind from inevitable implosion), we’ve limited this investigation of famous people eating normal food/peasants eating famous food to just the last month. We saw Rihanna eating food like a jet-setting boss, a certain chain-wearing gourmand whipping up high-speed menus for the luxe life, and designer chickens that only dine on Michelin-starred grub. It’s celebrities doing food. Food as celebrity. Meta celebrity. Let’s get to it—click through the gallery above to see all of September’s high-profile food triumphs and fails.

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