It's a frightening time to be alive. Taco Bell is making tortilla chips out of strips of fried chicken, Burger King is turning its Whoppers into burritos, and there is Cheetos dust everywhere. Now, launching yet another kamikaze mission in the escalating fast-food wars, Pizza Hut announced it has started offering a "Grilled Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza,” injecting its pies with dangerous levels of mozzarella and cheddar for the price of $12.99.
As any true fan of the Hut knows, the company has already introduced a long list of terrifying crust options over the years, encompassing items like tater-tot crust, hot dog crust, garlic knot crust, sausage-stuffed crust, Doritos crust, pineapple bun crust, and bacon crust. Then, there’s the ever expanding list of of crust “flavors,” like ranch, salty pretzel, toasted asiago, and fiery red pepper. Apparently, the company decided those options weren’t good enough, and threw a goddamn grilled cheese sandwich into the mix.
“The Grilled Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza is the perfect combination of a classic grilled cheese and a traditional pizza,” David Timm, Pizza Hut’s chief marketing officer, said in a press release. “The result is a delicious, flavorful and indulgent pizza that packs the punch of a gooey, cheesy, crunchy grilled cheese.”
While it’s a little troubling that there’s no American cheese up in that pie (is a grilled cheese with out a Kraft single even a grilled cheese?, the crust is filled to the brim with mozzarella and cheddar. Then, the crust is topped with what looks like a whole stick of melted butter and a bunch of breadcrumbs.
It remains to be seen whether the hot dog crust will ever rear its ugly head again, but let’s just be thankful Pizza Hut didn’t decided to stuff a bunch of Cheetos inside its dough. In the grand scheme of things, mozzarella and cheddar actually doesn’t sound all that bad.
“Cheese is rapidly becoming one of America’s favorite foods. Related, pizza is often ranked as the most popular food in America. To round out the equation, grilled cheese has been pegged as one of the most comforting foods ever imagined,” the press release reads. “Now, all of these ‘favorites’ can be enjoyed as one.
Sounds like pretty ironclad logic to us.